The Top 15 Best Breakup Songs Ever

According to me, in a vaguely chronological order.

1. "You Oughta Know", Alanis Morissette. We were about thirteen when this album came out, so none of us had actually gone through it, but it was fun to sing. At the time I also had long curly hair like she did. I must have listened to Jagged Little Pill a million times.
   
2. "There Goes My Ex-Girlfriend", Aerosmith. I listened to this a bunch when I broke up with my first high school boyfriend, who had played it for me as a song he used to get over his previous girlfriend. I was really into irony in high school. (I don't know why I make it sound like this is something old about me. I'm still into irony.)
   
3. "Gone Daddy Gone", the Violent Femmes. Suggested by Claire. Amusingly, the Aerosmith boyfriend also got me into the Violent Femmes. This was the only good thing he did.
   
4. "It Ain't Me, Babe", Bob Dylan. The next boyfriend was really into Dylan and the Beatles and stuff. I don't remember if I found it especially poignant when we broke up, but I thought I'd put it on there. My Dylan phase lasted from high school until, oh, now. I saw him in concert in 2001, too.
   
5. "Kissing a Fool", George Michael/Michael Bublé. A couple years ago there was an homage to old Rock Hudson/Doris Day films starring Ewan McGregor and David Hyde Pierce as the kind of sexually ambiguous male leads and Renée Zellweger as Doris Day. It was called "Down with Love" - perhaps you remember it? I recall that it had fabulous costumes, was charmingly funny, and that the heroine let me down by totally caving in the last 10 minutes. Seriously, it would have been a much better film if she'd walked. But the inability to walk out on Ewan McGregor is a constant in many womens' lives, so I suppose it doesn't do to judge. Anyway, this song was in it. Apparently George Michael wrote it, but the Bublé version is the one I fell for.
   
6. "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover", Paul Simon. Suggested by Chandra. This song has perennially fascinated me, as some of these don't seem to be ways at all ("Make a new plan, Stan?") and there are definitely less than fifty listed. I just thought I'd throw that out there. Also it's entirely targeted towards men, which in retrospect is obnoxious. Perhaps this was a poor selection.
   
7. "I Will Survive", Diana Ross/CAKE. Do I need to explain why this song is here? I thought not. Though I should note that I prefer the CAKE version.
   
8. "Why Bother?", Weezer. I used to listen to this song over and over while running when I broke up with my last boyfriend. Rivers Cuomo will save your mortal soul.
   
9. "Early in the Morning", Buddy Holly. I went through a Buddy Holly kick in 2006, right before I left the country for a while. Nothing else to say about this, moving on.
   
10. "Go Your Own Way", Fleetwood Mac. A kind of theme of my time in 'Nam.
    
11. "Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)", Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. One of the radio stations I listen to played this perpetually for about a month, and it was in my head all the time after my commutes.
    
12. "Breakin' Up", Rilo Kiley. Daniel gave me this song. On a drive from St. Paul, he pointed out that it has the lyrics, "Are we breaking up/Is there trouble between you and I?/Did my heart break enough/did it break enough this time?", which might help explain why it is an awesome song.
    
13. "Thanks for the Memories", Fallout Boy. Emo. But it has a catchy tune and an amusing music video with monkeys, so why not? I'm no music snob.
    
14. "Kiss You Off", Scissor Sisters. I love the Scissor Sisters. This narrowly beat out "I Can't Decide", which is one of my favorite songs ever but slightly less relevant to the topic. Contains the lyrics, "Kiss you off of my lips/I don't need another tube of that dimestore lipstick/cuz I guess I'm gonna buy me a brand new shade of man".
    
15. "Before He Cheats", Carrie Underwood. Okay, I get it, violence is bad, and the fact that violence towards men is accepted and towards women is not is a big fat double standard. This is still one of the most entertaining songs in the top 40 of late.
    

And, all right, five non-traditional love songs that have amused me lately:

1. "I Will Follow You into the Dark", Death Cab for Cutie. What other song begins with "Love of mine, someday you will die"? It's like an opera.
   
2. "Stuttering", Ben's Brother. I don't know, I feel like this sometimes when it comes to love, i.e., kind of slow and incapable.
   
3. "You and Me", Little Brazil. Suggested by Daniel. Begins, "You and me/fit together so awkwardly", which reminds me of most of my previous relationships.
   
4. "Rebel, Rebel", David Bowie. I saw him do this live. Favorite lyric: "You like me and I like it all". Exactly what I'm looking for in a mate: nondiscriminatory. Actually I was going to put "Cracked Actor" ("Forget that I'm fifty 'cause you just got paid") on here, but I'm in a good mood today.
   
5. "Get it On", T. Rex. I am fascinated by T. Rex because they have albums with titles like "My People Were Fair and Had Sky in their Hair...But Now they're Content to Wear Stars on their Brows" and "Zinc Alloy and the Hidden Riders of Tomorrow", which is basically as emo as saying "I'ma cut my wrists and listen to Dashboard Confessionals", but they're still considered a glam/punk band (punk bands in the 60s and 70s tended to have albums titled things like "SPEW" and "A RIGHT COCKUP". Okay, I am making those up, but it could be possible). Even the combo of glam and punk seems odd. And yet. But what is with these lyrics? Even if you say okay to "You've got the teeth of the Hydra upon you", you're still in pretty deep waters with, "You're built like a car/You've got a/hubcap diamond star halo/You're built like a car/ oh yeah". What does that even mean?

Well that was fun and somewhat embarrassing. Great! Feel free to comment with songs I missed.

Honorable mention goes to: "Already Gone" by the Eagles. It's a damn catchy song, which is too bad, because "I really hate the fucking Eagles, man", is the only thing I can think when I think about them. Also "No Love Today" by Chris Smither.

Singapore Noodles

Singapore Noodles is a dish I first encountered at a Chinese restaurant in Ho Chi Minh City. It was one of a few vegetarian dishes there (Asia in general is pretty big on meats), and it was delicious.
Yesterday, having some bok choy left over from my foray into stir fry, I decided to recreate it. Recipe from Epicurious.

Ingredients

1/2 c. veg broth (1/2 c. hot water and bouillon)
3 (heaping) T. veg stir fry sauce
2 T. ketchap mantis (a type of sweet Indonesian soy sauce. It cost about $3 for a huge bottle of it at the local Asian grocery and it's delicious, sweet and salty. I highly recommend picking some up.)
2 T. soy sauce *(I use really dark stuff.)
1 T. chili sauce (like SriRacha or similar) to taste
4-5 baby carrots, cut in matchsticks
1 head bok choy, chopped
4-5 mushrooms, sliced
a couple T. garlic oil
a couple cloves of garlic, minced
1/3 lb thin rice noodles
1/2 block extra firm tofu (Chinese tofu)
chili powder
some spinach (optional. I just had this lying around and I figured why not)


Methodology

1. Mix broth, stir fry sauce, ketchap mantis, soy sauce, and chili sauce in a bowl. Set aside. Chop veg and tofu; put the tofu in a container and toss it with, oh, a little soy sauce and some salt and pepper.

2. Put a little oil in the wok and stir fry the tofu. Dust it with salt, pepper, and chili powder. Remove from wok and set aside.

3. Put a little more oil in the wok and add the garlic, then put in the carrots and mushrooms. After a few minutes, add the bok choy and spinach. Let that cook a few minutes, then add the broth mixture. Bring it to a boil and add the noodles.

4. Depending on the size of your wok and stuff, you may have to add about a cup more water in order to cook the noodles. Putting a lid on the pan helps too. When they are cooked, add the tofu back in and mush everything around until it is hot again. (I do not mean literally mush the tofu; obviously you do not want crumbs of tofu, or perhaps you do in which case disregard this advice.)

5. Eat! Yay.

Notes
*So, was it Singapore Noodles like you had in 'Nam?

No.

*Was it good?

Yes. Would eat again. (Which I will have to, since it made about 400 pounds of leftovers).

*Time?

About 25-30 minutes, with me working at top speed, so it fit kind of uncomfortably into the short period post-karate and pre-gnawing own arm off. It was tough, though. Thirty minute meals be damned, I want my dinner in 7 or fewer.

*Improvements?

Cook the noodles separately, since they're not fresh, thus reducing the total liquid in the dish. Use baby bok choy (also called choy sum) as it is more tender and needs less chopping. Put in some onions (did not have any). A couple of the recipes Google is bringing me use curry powder, which doesn't mesh with what I recall, but sounds interesting anyway.

*Disaster scale?

3/7. Delicious but problematic, especially with the cooking of the noodles.

Veg Stir Fry with Peanut Sauce

I am so excited to have cooked this, it is fantastic. I cannot even tell you.

Ingredients

Rice

1 c. brown rice
2 c. water

Veggies
(all amounts approximate)

1/2 white onion, chopped
a handful of baby carrots
3 leaves of bok choy, chopped
3 mushrooms, sliced
1 sweet potato, chopped
1/2 head of broccoli, broken up into florets
1/2 block of tofu, cubed

one recipe of peanut sauce

Methodology

There are two fantastic things about this dish. One is the timing.

1. Put water and rice in a pot over high heat. You can throw in some spices if you want - cumin, turmeric, coriander. Cover. Chop up the veg.

2. Put some oil and garlic in a pan and start the vegetables cooking in a wok or deepish frying pan (make sure it has a lid). I recommend throwing in the carrots, onions, and tofu and letting it brown a bit, then adding everything else. Put in about a cup of water and put the lid on to let it steam.

3. Make the peanut sauce at this point. Keep an eye on the rice, it is probably nearing completion.

4. The veg should be done around the time you finish the sauce Pour the sauce over the veg. Serve over rice.

Notes

*This recipe is so awesome. I was SO hungry after jiu jitsu, too. Wow.

*1/7. \o/ I win at life.

Peanut Sauce

This is almost too easy.

Ingredients

2 T. peanut butter (I used chunky reduced fat Skippy, because that is what I have around. I buy it for nostalgia I guess. You could use real, grown up peanut butter and it would be fine. You do not need to use nostalgia peanut butter.)
about 1.5 T vegetarian stir fry sauce (non-oyster oyster sauce)
about 1.5 T soy sauce (I use Pearl River dark soy sauce, it coats the bottle and almost eats through it.)
3/4 to 1 c. hot water
1 heaping tsp. brown sugar
hot sauce, to taste

Methodology

1. Put peanut butter, stir fry sauce, and soy sauce in a bowl. Add about half the water and mix until it dissolves. Add the rest of the water. Add the sugar and hot sauce. Adjust soy and stir fry sauce to taste. Put over veggies.

Notes

*1/7 on the disaster scale. I am fantastic.

Cranberry Chocolate Chip Scones

What a weird day. So I made scones.

Ironically, though this started out as a project to use up some eggs, I wound up using this recipe as a base, and it has no eggs in it. It's really easy, though, and doesn't take long to make.

Ingredients

2 c. white/all purpose flour
1 3/4 c. whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp. salt
3 T. baking powder
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 c. brown sugar, packed
8 T (one stick) butter, cold
1 1/4 c. buttermilk
about 1/2 c. skim milk, give or take
1/2 c. dried cranberries
1/2 c. dark chocolate chips

Methodology

1. Preheat the oven to 375*. Mix the dry ingredients and sugar. Cut the butter into little pieces and mix that in, then cut it in with a butter knife approximately until your arm is tired. Add the buttermilk and mix, then add the chips and cranberries and mis those in. Do not overmix.

2. You should have a messy, kind of lumpy-looking dough with a fair amount of loose flour. Add a little of the skim milk if it's really dry. Turn it out onto a clean, floured surface, like a counter or baking pan. Knead it a couple of times and it will start to come together; you may need to add more milk. Knead it approximately until you think you've overkneaded it.

3. Pat the dough into a circle about seven inches in diameter and cut it in half. Cut each half into six triangles. Place on an oiled baking sheet, making sure they do not touch. Brush the tops with buttermilk and sprinkle with brown sugar. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until a tester comes out clean. Serve hot with vanilla frozen yoghurt or whipped cream, or eat for breakfast with butter and jam..

Notes

*The dough will look weird lumpy and you'll think you've screwed it up; you haven't.

*These could perhaps use a bit less baking powder, though.

*There are nearly endless variations that can be done on this, with various types of textures and mix-ins.

*Using buttermillk instead of milk produces a lighter scone.

*1/7 on the disaster scale. Yay.

Fake Calzones

An attempt to use up some leftovers. Kind of weirdly fusion-y.

Ingredients

about 1/4 recipe of chapati bread
1/2 zucchini, chopped
1/4 onion, chopped
a handful of spinach
2 mushrooms, sliced (I used "Baby Bella", which I think are crimini)
a few cloves of garlic, diced
paprika, chili powder, salt, pepper, oregano, basil
2 T. tomato sauce
cheese (I used Pepper Jack and Mozzarella)

Methodology

1. Heat some oil in a pan and add the garlic. Saute the veg and spices until cooked. Remove from pan.

2. Roll out the bread into a biggish circle. Put tomato sauce in the center, add some spinach and some of the veg. Put cheese on top. Fold it over and seal the edges.

3. Cook the calzone in a pan until brown on all sides, being careful not to rip it.

Notes

*The edges were still a little more mushy than you might like, but the dough doesn't have any eggs in it so it's not a huge deal.

*Pretty delicious, all in all. About a 3/7 on the disaster index.

Apple Brown Betty

Oh man; if you do a google you'll find that everyone and her brother has a recipe for Apple Brown Betty, and all of them are different. This was my attempt to 1) use some stale cake and 2) split the difference on a bunch of conflicting recipes.

Ingredients

Approximately 1/2 of a cinnamon sponge cake, slightly stale, cut into 1/4" cubes
1.5 tsp nutmeg
1/2 c. brown sugar
rind of 1 lemon
2.5 lbs apples (suggest Granny Smith and McIntosh)
8 T. apple juice or cider
1.25 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp allspice, salt
about 2 T. butter

Methodology

1. Preheat oven to 375*. Peel, core, and slice apples. Combine sugar and nutmeg and set aside about 2 T.

2. Mix spices and cake. Put a layer of cake at the bottom of a casserole pan, then a layer of apples, then pour about 4 T. of apple juice over. Put another layer of cake and sugar, another layer of apples, more juice. End with cake and sugar, then sprinkle the reserved 2 T of sugar on top.

3. If you are paying attention, dot the top with butter. Otherwise just put the lid on the casserole (or cover with foil) and put in the oven for about 45 minutes.

4. After 45 minutes, take lid off (dot top with butter now if you forgot earlier) and let it bake until brown, about another 15 minutes depending on how long you spend gaping at it with the oven open.

5. Serve with vanilla frozen yoghurt or whipped cream.

Notes

*Though the top layer was a bit dry, the other layers were extremely delicious. Next time I will cut some margarine in with a pastry cutter to help this problem. Perhaps even make a more apple crisp-like topping.

*About a 3 of 7 on the disaster index.

*Well received, though.

Quinoa Squash Stew

From Epicurious, somewhat.

Ingredients

Stew
2 tablespoons olive oil or margarine
1 cup chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, chopped
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
\1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 cup water
1 14 1/2-ounce can diced tomatoes
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
3 cups 1-inch cubes peeled butternut squash
2 cups cubed peeled carrots

Quinoa
1 cup quinoa (a grain, available at the grocery store) 1 tablespoon butter and 1 tablespoon olive oil or 2 T. margarine, etc.
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
1/4 cup finely chopped peeled carrot
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
2 cups water

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro, divided
a few T. fresh basil, chopped

Methodology

1. Quinoa: put garlic, spices, and oil in a biggish pot. Add onion and carrot and saute until it begins to brown. Add quinoa and water. Bring to a boil, then turn down and simmer until tender, about 20 minutes.

2. Stew: Put garlic and oil in. Add spices. Add onions and carrot and saute briefly. Add squash, tomatoes, and water. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer until cooked, about 15 minutes.

3. Mix about half the cilantro and basil into the stew. Serve stew over quinoa and sprinkle with more herbs.

Notes

*Healthy, tasty, and looks pretty on a plate. Win on three levels. For best effect, I'd use a green plate.

Roasted Root Vegetables with Cilantro Pesto

Quite possibly my greatest invention ever. Based (loosely) on this recipe on Epicurious.

Ingredients

Vegetables
1 medium butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and chopped
3 small red potatoes, washed and chopped
2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and chopped
4 parsnips, peeled and chopped, with the woody core cut out
a handful or two of baby carrots
about 2 T. oil (olive or garlic or what have you), salt and pepper

Pesto

fresh basil (about 4-5 large leaves)
1/2 bunch cilantro
1/2 c. olive oil (actually a little less, more like 1/4 + 1/8)
1/4 c. grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 c. pine nuts, toasted
Cayenne pepper, salt, and black pepper

Methodology

1. Toss vegetables with about 2 T. of oil, salt, and pepper. Arrange on a cookie sheet in a single layer and put in a 500* oven. Stir occasionally.

2. Put pine nuts, herbs, Parmesan, olive oil, and spices in a blender and blend them into a thick green paste. Add more salt and pepper as needed.

3. When cooked, toss vegetables with about 1/2 the pesto (you can freeze the rest). Serve with more Parmesan by the side.

Notes

*This was awesome.

*Don't use a pan with high sides, it insulates too well and the veg will not cook fast enough.

*If you had kosher salt, that would be nice to toss the veg with to roast.

*Don't put potato peelings or paper towels down the garbage disposal.

*Disaster index: 2/7

Cinnamon Cake with Grand Marnier Whipped Cream and Raspberry Compote

Made up by me, based on this recipe at Epicurious. Very loosely based.
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
2 teaspoons cinnamon
4 eggs, separated
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 T. molasses
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 tsp. Grand Marnier
cream of tarter

Whipped cream

1 pint whipping cream
3 T. confectioners' sugar
1 T. brown sugar
1/2 T. Grand Marnier
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Compote

about 1/2 bag frozen raspberries (it is January in Wisconsin, what do you want?)
1.5 T. brown sugar
~1 T. lemon juice

Methodology

1. Preheat oven to 350*, grease cake pan. Sift flour, baking powder, and cinnamon together. Whip egg whites with cream of tarter until foamy, then add sugar slowly. Try to make peaks. Fail miserably.

2. Add egg yolks. Mix (by hand). Fold in flour mixture. Add vanilla. Put cake in oven. Bake for ~30 minutes.

3. Drizzle 1 tsp of Grand Marnier on the bottom of the cake; turn cake out of pan and drizzle another tsp of GM on the top. Let it cool.

4. Make the compote. Put fruit, sugar, and lemon juice in a small sauce pan over low heat, stir until it turns into sauce, about 5 or 6 minutes. Taste and add more sugar if you want.

5. Make the whipped cream. Put cream, sugar, vanilla, and GM in container and whip until stiff.
6. Serve a slice of cake with whipped cream and sauce. Since it's a sponge cake, it's especially effective if you put some sauce on the plate, then plate the cake, then whipped cream and more sauce. Eat.

Notes

*This was well-received. Part birthday present, part "thanks for playing Queer Eye with my apartment".

*The cake is about 150 calories/slice for 12 slices. I didn't work out the whipped cream and raspberries, but I'd put the finished product at about 250, which isn't bad.

*Would have been better had I gotten the egg whites to whip. Also next time I will put in a little pumpkin pie spice I think. But in terms of stuff I was really worried about all afternoon that came out well? This cake. Yes.

*Disaster index: 3/7.

Em oi! #115: Pick-up Artist

In case you cannot see it at the site today. I am getting errors for some reason, although it is uploaded.

This actually sort of happened.

Moroccan Chickpea Soup (Harira)

Based on this recipe from Epicurious.

Ingredients

2 15 oz tins chickpeas, drained
1 (28 oz) tin diced tomatoes
1 large onion, chopped
3 T. garlic oil
2 cloves garlic, minced or crushed or what have you
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon cumin, plus a bit
2/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
4 cups vegetable broth or bouillon and water
1 cup lentils
1/2 c. orzo
1 lemon

Methodology

1. Chop onion and garlic and put in a pot with the oil. You can use butter or olive oil if you want, I've just been using garlic oil because it has fewer calories. Also it's delicious.

2. Add spices and stir, wait for a couple of minutes. Add tomatoes, cilantro, chickpeas, lentils, broth or bouillon/water. Cover and bring to a boil, then simmer until lentils are cooked (about 30 minutes).

3. When lentils are (almost) tender, add orzo and cook for another 10 minutes or so until everything is done. Serve with lemon and bread (we had rye/pumpernickel swirl, which was good).

Notes

*Wow, what awesome soup. Seriously. Daniel suggests adding raisins, which I could get behind. Alternatively, dates. Also, spinach is a possibility.

*Makes 6 (large) servings, about 270 calories a piece. Plus loads of protein, which is good for you.

Squash and Black Bean Chili

Based on a recipe from Epicurious. Dan has also blogged about this here, making this our first joint cooking project to also be a joint blogging project.

Ingredients

2.5 c. white onion, chopped
3-4 cloves garlic, minced
2 T olive oil
4 c. butternut squash, peeled and chopped
3 15 oz. tins black beans, drained and washed
1 14.5 oz tin diced tomatoes
spices: cumin, turmeric, Cayenne pepper, paprika, oregano
3 c. bai cai (Napa cabbage), chopped
approx. 2.5 c. water and vegetable bullion

Methodology


1. Heat the oil in a large pot and add the garlic and onion. Cook until the onion is golden. Add the squash and stir.

2. After about 2 minutes, season it with the spices (you can use chili powder if you have any; we didn't). Add the beans, the tomatoes, the bullion and the water. Cover and bring to a boil, then take the lid off and simmer until the squash is cooked, about 20 minutes.

3. Add the cabbage and cook a few more minutes until it is done. Season with salt and pepper to taste; also Sri Racha Sauce, plain yoghurt, cheddar cheese, etc.

Notes

*This made a ton. The original recipe said "serves 4", but I think it could easily have been dinner for 6.

*I haven't worked out the calories yet, but it's pretty good for you. I'll get on that soon though. Right. Okay, if you assume 10 servings, it's about 220 calories per serving (before the addition of yoghurt/sour cream/cheese/what have you). I'm going with about 1 cup = 1 serving. But that's a rough estimate.

*I would add a tin of Great Northern beans and maybe a tin of kidney beans instead of all black beans, just to make it more interesting. I'm not sure I would keep the cabbage in; unlike Daniel, I'm not convinced it added anything. Also I was really hungry when I was cooking this and didn't spice it enough, so we had to do that after. Oops. This would be really good with a piece of rye bread or maybe fresh Irish soda bread.

*Hey Dan, we should bake some Irish soda bread.

*2/7 on the disaster index.

Spinach and Chickpea Rice Pilaf

This is sort of a deconstructed spanakopita-type thing; Daniel and I tried hard to make it taste kind of Greek-by-way-of-the-Middle-East, and I think it worked. Anyway, it was delicious, and since I made up the recipe I get to blog it. (Dan can blog it too if he wants, I don't care. I'm making things up. Okay.)

ingredients

2 tin chickpeas (approx 32 oz)

1 onion

garlic

1.5 c. brown rice and 3 c. water or so

some veg bullion (we used one packet, really not worthwhile)

feta

2 boxes frozen spinach (20 oz or possibly grams, I forget)

1.5 T olive oil

lemon juice, cumin, fennel, dill, coriander, nutmeg, pepper, salt, thyme, basil, etc.

methodology

1. chop onion and saute in pan with garlic and olive oil plus cumin, fennel, dill, coriander, thyme, nutmeg, salt, pepper [&c...]. Put rice, bullion, and water in another pan and cook until it is done.

2. Melt spinach in microwave, squeeze out, and add to onion mixture (be careful, it will be quite hot; do not burn yourself). Add in chickpeas. When rice is done, mix it in and adjust the seasoning to taste. Squeeze half a lemon over it, sprinkle with feta, serve.

notes

*If you had dry (soaked) chickpeas you could stick them in the pan with the rice and cook it all together, but since ours were pre-cooked and we had limited pot space, we figured why bother.

*This was super awesome and approximately 250 calories per serving. Actually that's a very generous estimate.

*This makes a lot. Easily enough for five people. We were two people. I cannot scale recipes for love or money. Apparently.

*Scores a perfect 0/7 on the disaster scale.

*No more notes; I'm going to bed. Make sure you read the comic.

2007: in case you were wondering

Year-end total: 224,200 words, including two complete drafts of an 80,000 (ish) word novel and almost 40,000 words of another novel, plus various sundries (a couple of short stories, part of a play, some blog entries, some freelance writing, at least one poem, and some travel essays). Not included in the count are the 25 or so recipes I posted here.

I also drew 107 comics (with 105 of those seeing publication on the online).

In case you're having trouble reading it, the black bars are words per day (counted in the blue numbers on the right), the yellow counts the total words to date (counted in the black numbers on the left), and the blue line is a moving average (I think 15 days, but maybe 30, I'm not sure, and Quattro just froze again, so I can't tell you).

I'm not really an optimist, and the best I can say is probably things won't get much worse this coming year. But Happy New Year anyway.

Dal and Carrot Stew

Based on the recipe from Dan and Claire's Cooking Disaster Index. See guys, I tried to follow a recipe (tried really hard).

Ingredients

3/4 c. lentils (brown)
4 packets bullion and 2.5 c. water
2 carrots (chopped)
2 onions (chopped)
1 tin tomatoes (the small size)
2 cloves garlic (chopped)
2 tsp. oil
1 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. coriander
1/2 tsp. turmeric
Salt (to taste)
1 tsp. cayenne pepper

Methodology

1. As in the other recipe, put the lentils, carrots, onions, garlic, and tomatoes in a pot and add 3 packets of bullion and 1.5 c. water (I'm assuming you're using powdered bullion. If you're not, just make 1.5 c. of stock and put that in). Bring it to a boil, then turn it down and let it simmer for a while. Perhaps now would be a good time to make some chapati.

2. Heat the oil and the spices in another pan for about a minute. Add salt. Put aside.

3. When the lentils are cooked, turn off the burner. Put half the soup in a bowl and blend it (I use an immersion blender, which works well for getting the chunks out without destroying the texture of the lentils).

4. Add the blended soup back into the main pot. Put in the oil and spices, another packet of bullion, and another cup of water. Mix. Put it back on the heat and warm it up if needed. Enjoy!

Notes

*Also super easy. I did it this way because I have only two pots (a small one and a big one) which made it difficult to do both this and the chapati simultaneously (I needed the wok to cook the bread). But it came out really well.

*If you make 5 servings, only 90 calories/serving. Wow!

*This and the chapati get 1/7 on the disaster scale. I'm awesome (and so are Dan and Claire, who came up with the original. Thanks, guys!)

Chapati bread

Based on the recipe here and the methodology here.

Ingredients

1 c. flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1 T. oil (I used garlic oil I picked up at the Asian grocery store)
about 1/2 c. hot water, as needed

Methodology

1. Put the flour and salt in a bowl and make a well in the center; put the oil and about 1/4 c. of water in the well and mix it, adding more water as needed until you get dough. Put a little oil in the bowl and put the bread in, then cover it and leave it sit for about 30-40 min.

2. Cut into 4 pieces and roll out with a floured rolling pin until fairly thin. Rub both sides with oil.

3. Put a bit of oil in a wok or on a grill and wipe it around, then heat the wok and put the bread in. Wait until it is brown on one side, then turn it. It will puff up. Yay. When done, eat or put in a warm oven (wrapped in foil) until you're ready to eat it.

Notes

*With garlic oil (approximately 10 calories/tablespoon), the bread has about 125 calories/piece.

*This was super easy to make and delicious. Takes a bit longer to cook than you'd think, but you don't need to hover over it.

Ginger Fudge

In which I set nothing on fire.

Ok, yes. I made up this recipe based on the last fudge experiment which I admit did not turn out quite right - the top layer didn't set up quite and the bottom layer was a bit hard. So back to the drawing board.

Ingredients

2 bags semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 tin (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk (I used Ong Tho because I was at an Asian food store undergoing a fit of nostalgia while I was buying it. I think this is less sweet than the typical American stuff. Also in Vietnam they sell low fat Ong Tho, which would have been great here, but they didn't have any at the store.)
1/2 c. marshmallow fluff (I feel dirty just typing that, but you need some corn syrup and I didn't want to actually own corn syrup so this has it in it. Does that make sense? Probably not. Sorry.)
1 box (~ 200g) candied ginger (you can find this at an Asian grocery store, which is why I happened to be there. It will be easier to find around Chinese New Year/Tet, so in late January-mid February, because dried fruits are very popular at that time of year; if you were feeling really daring and could find it, candied lotus root would also be good to add in to the mix.)
1/4 c. skim milk (approx.)
1 tsp. vanilla
a pinch of salt
spices to taste: cinnamon, Cayenne pepper, ginger, pumpkin pie spice, etc.

Methodology

1. If, like me, you have little strips of ginger, chop them into reasonable sized pieces. Put in a bowl and set aside. Cover 2 round 9" cake pans (or whatever) with tin foil and spray the tin foil with cooking spray.

2. Put the condensed milk and the chips in a pan over low heat. As they melt, stir in the marshmallow, the skim milk, the vanilla, the spices. Still stirring, bring it to a boil.

3. When it boils, turn off the heat and stop stirring. Count to 20 or something until it has stopped boiling and then stir in the ginger. Divide the mixture into the two pans, smooth the top, and put it in the fridge for two hours.

4. Cut and enjoy, or put back in the fridge to worry about.

Notes

*Initially I was too scared to estimate the number of calories. Then I figured out if I cut it into 40 pieces, it would be 130 calories/pc. Not too bad. But then when I cut it, I actually cut it into about 120 pieces, at about 50 calories per piece. The advantage and disadvantage of using a round pan is that at the edges the pieces are a bit smaller, so this is an average. Also when you're transferring the fudge to a container it's very tempting to eat the small bits from the edges.

*I will totally someday soon stop with this baking binge. At least from New Year's to Lupercalia, I promise. As it is, this is getting kind of dire. I've started stalking people primarily because if they're home I can give them baked goods to get rid of them.

*Most of the fudge is destined for Claire's family in St. Paul, as are the cupcakes I'm going to make tomorrow. Next year I'm going to find a boyfriend who celebrates this damn holiday so I'm not left up to my own devices for this long. Goddamn.

*The fudge came out pretty good - not too firm, but with a certain tensile strength. Next time I'm going to use an actual candy thermometer and it will be better.

Sweet Potato and Thai Eggplant Curry

I am a clever enough monkey to recognize that baking when I'm bored + everyone out of town for the hols is not a good combination, so I restrained myself and made curry instead.

I know, right?

Ingredients

4 Thai eggplants
about 2 sweet potatoes
1 block firm (Chinese) tofu (about 8 oz)
red curry paste
1 tin coconut cream*
salt/pepper/etc.
oil and garlic

Methodology

1. Chop veg and tofu into appealing-sized pieces. Heat oil and garlic in wok.

2. Add tofu to pan. Toss a little to coat in oil, then let it sit. This is apparently the key to browning the damn stuff; this guy B. showed me the technique the other day. I have been cooking tofu for years and my, let's call it "short attention span" has apparently been working against me. Who knew?

3. Add coconut cream and curry paste (to taste, at least a couple of tablespoons). As it begins to boil, dump in the veg.

4. Cover it and let it cook, stirring occasionally, until the sweet potatoes are cooked. Depending on the curry paste you may need to add salt, pepper, and a tablespoon or so of (brown) sugar.

5. Serve over rice.

Notes

I had this great green curry with Thai eggplants, snake beans, and basil in Laos and I've been trying to recreate it. Making it with a) red curry and b) sweet potatoes isn't exactly the way to do that, but it was good nevertheless. Next time I will wait a bit before adding the eggplants (like when the sweet potatoes are about halfway done) because they got a bit mushy.

2/7 on the disaster index.

*It's called "nuoc cot dua" in Vietnamese. I was shopping at an Asian import store. But seriously, it's better than coconut milk I think. This is the stuff you need.

Curried Tofu with Sweet Potatoes

An experiment in failures of communication when buying groceries.

Ingredients

2 sweet potatoes, washed, peeled, chopped
1 block tofu, drained and cut into pieces
1 medium onion, chopped
2-3 T. curry paste, (Indian curry paste not Thai)
salt and pepper
2 c. brown rice
5 c. water
some oil and garlic

Methodology

1. Put rice and 4 cups of water in a pot and start that. Do all the chopping.

2. Heat oil and garlic in pan (I use a wok, because that's what I own.) Add the onion and let it cook for a bit, then add in the tofu. After that starts to brown, add the sweet potato and curry paste. Mix. Add one cup of water and cover.

3. Wait, stirring occasionally, until everything is cooked. Add salt and pepper as desired.

4. Eat.

Notes

We bought way too much stuff and actually cut up 4 sweet potatoes and a large onion, so the quantities are approximate. If I'd put in about a tablespoon of brown sugar it would have been better...also might be worth adding a jigger of soy sauce. Still, pretty good. I'd guess with rice it's about 300 calories/serving, though I haven't actually worked that out. Makes a lot -- enough for 3 people with stuff left over.

Disaster index: 3

Fudge

So, life is awful and you're having anxiety attacks all week. What to do?

Make fudge.

Ingredients

1 bag (12 oz) dark/semi-sweet chocolate chips
about 1 cup grated semi-sweet chocolate
1 tin sweetened condensed milk
2 T milk
2 tsp. vanilla
the zest of an orange
a couple tablespoons of Grand Marnier
1 c. chopped walnuts
1 c. almonds
Cayenne pepper

Methodology

1. Melt chocolate chips over low heat with 2/3 c. condensed milk, 1 T milk, and 1 tsp vanilla. Add the orange zest and liquor. When everything is melted, add the walnuts and remove from heat.

2. Spread on the bottom of a 9" pie pan that you've covered in foil and sprayed with cooking spray.

3. Melt the other chocolate with the rest of the condensed milk. Add the rest of the milk and vanilla. Add almonds and Cayenne pepper to taste.

4. Spread on top of the previous layer of chocolate.

5. Refrigerate for 2 hours.

Notes

This was a project Claire and I got into while Daniel was studying for an exam. Because neither of us follows directions well, this didn't come out anything like the way the recipe was. I've tried to reproduce what we actually did as opposed to what it said to do. It was edible though. Actually quite delicious. But it would have been better if we hadn't done pepper on top and orange on the bottom and instead done, oh, cinnamon and pepper, or something like that.

Disaster index: 4 on a scale of 0-7.

Brownies

Grand Marnier Brownies with Hard Ganache
(based on another of my mother's recipes)

ingredients
brownies

3/4 c. cocoa powder
1 1/2 c. brown sugar
1 1/4 c. cake flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
pinch of salt
1/2 c. water
2/3 c. mayonnaise
1/3 c. + 2 T Grand Marnier
1/2 T vanilla
1/2 c. chocolate chips
a pinch of cinnamon

ganache

chocolate chips
cream
Grand Marnier and/or rum

methodology
1. Preheat oven to 350*. Sift dry ingredients (cocoa, flour, sugar, baking soda, salt) together. Putting the brown sugar through a seive may take a while, but try to get the lumps out.

2. Mix in water and mayonnaise.

3. Mix in Grand Marnier, vanilla, and chips. Add a pinch of cinnamon if you want.

4. Bake in a 9" x 13" pan for 30 minutes. Or in a round 9" cake pan if you're me and that's all you have.

5. Melt the chocolate chips with the cream as in a standard chocolate ganache (most use about 1/2 c. cream and 8 oz chips, but that will be probably more than you want. Remember not to heat it too hot or the chocolate will burn and it will all go to hell). Add some Grand Marnier. Drizzle over cooled brownies. Yay.

Notes

These were fairly successful, both on the giving-baked-goods-to-guys-I-like front and the taking-to-a-karate-party front. They would have been better if I'd used the zest of an orange to emphasize the Grand Marnier.

I've somehow gotten a reputation amongst the karate people as a bit of a baker. Next semester I'll have to come up with something else, lest they think I'm falling down on the job.

Hundred Dollar Chocolate Cake Cupcakes with Rum Frosting

There's a long story about why this is called "Hundred Dollar Chocolate Cake", but the party I took them to was successful enough that I have a headache now, so I'm not going to type it here. It's similar to this legend about Neiman-Marcus's cookies.

What's more interesting for me, oddly enough, is that this is a WWII era recipe, using mayonnaise instead of eggs because eggs were being rationed. I've never actually tried the recipe with eggs and oil instead of mayo, but I have tried it with canola mayonnaise (vegan stuff without eggs in it) and it came out fine, so this is a recipe that can be veganized pretty easily

Let's see. The goal here was to produce cupcakes for a friend's holiday party. The cake recipe is pretty standard in my family, so I didn't change it much, in a "Why mess with success?" way. The frosting was kind of a trial run though.

Ingredients

Cake
2 c (cake) flour
1 c. (brown) sugar
1.5 tsp baking soda
4 T cocoa powder
1 c. cold water
1 c. mayonnaise (I used "light" because I don't eat the stuff and wanted to give the remainder to Daniel later on. It doesn't make a difference though.)
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 T cinnamon[1]

Frosting
2.66 c. icing sugar (powdered sugar)
5 T margarine
1 t. vanilla
6 T rum (I recommend a fairly top-shelf rum, because you can taste it.)

Methodology
1. Preheat oven to 350*. Sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, and cocoa. If you're using brown sugar (as I was), bear in mind that it's rather difficult to force it through a strainer, so the best you're going to manage is probably to break up the lumps.
2. Beat in the water, mayonnaise, and vanilla. Drop about two tablespoon-fulls per muffin cup (a soup spoon "tablespoon", not a measuring spoon) and bake for 20-25 minutes. Cool.
3. Sift powdered sugar into bowl. Add margarine, vanilla, and rum. Mix into paste. Add more sugar and more rum until it reaches the desired consistency.
4. Frost cupcakes and add sprinkles, because who doesn't love sprinkles? Do not lick out the bowl and drive.

Notes
*Makes 18 cupcakes, approximately 80 calories each (frosted, approximately 130).

*As one of the people I forced cupcakes upon pointed out, these came out a little weird. The cake was good, the frosting was good, but they weren't really what people expected. Several people wanted to lick the frosting off and leave the cupcake (they didn't, though). But everyone seemed to enjoy them, including the people I was sort of pitifully trying to impress, and I was pretty intoxicated at that point anyway, so it was okay.

*If the liquor stores had been open when I baked the cookies (around 7h00, because of a 4.5 hour karate workshop taking up the middle chunk of my Saturday), I would have bought the rum and put some in the cupcakes, which might have made them go together better.

*So in total, 4.5/7 on the disaster index. It might be less if I didn't have a headache, but there you go.

[1]Cinnamon is my one addition to the recipe. Omit for a more standard cake.

Happy Jewmas!

The comic site seems to be down, so here's today's comic. Hannukah started Tuesday night. (If you're curious, you can also spell it "Channakah". There isn't one correct spelling, because it's not an English word. My favorite spelling has been the slightly more Semitic-looking "Khannikah", but I could get into the Hispanic-inspired "Jannikah" too...)
I think that's it for comments for now.

Tofu and BaiCai Stir Fry

An unexpected afternoon left to my own devices on a miserable gray day, when my attempts to go for a run have failed and the thought of doing the shopping I'd been planning seems repugnant?

Why not get up to some nonsense in the kitchen? And, while I'm at it, why not cook dinner without curry in it for once?

Napa cabbage is called baicai (白菜) in Chinese, and I like it much more than regular cabbage. I once came across a six foot tall baicai carved out of marble, and I almost bought it and had it shipped home to my parents for the fun of imagining them looking at it and saying to themselves, "What the hell is our daughter getting up to in China?"

This dish might be called "朝豆腐和白菜" in Chinese (Chao Doufu he baicai). Or possibly "烹" (peng) instead of "朝" (chao). It might also be referred to as Vegetarian Singapore Noodles.

Ingredients
1/2 package (4 oz) tofu
1/2 T Thai Sweet Chili Sauce
2 T mushroom stir fry sauce
1 T garlic oil or similar
2 T rice vinegar
2 T dark soy sauce
1 lb napa cabbage (bai cai)
garlic, ginger, chili powder, salt, pepper
4 oz. rice vermicelli

Methodology

1. Mix the chili sauce, mushroom sauce, garlic oil, vinegar, and soy sauce in a bowl. Cut tofu into pieces and mix it in. Cover and leave in fridge for a while. Take a nap, eat some toast, agonize over your novel. Eventually, wander back and hack the cabbage into bits.

2. Put some oil in the wok and heat it, along with some garlic, powdered ginger (or fresh ginger), and chili powder. Take the tofu out using a slotted spoon and put it in the wok (you probably want to keep the heat on medium). Reserve the marinade.

3. When tofu is sufficiently cooked, put it in a bowl and add more oil to the wok, then dump in the cabbage. Be careful, because if you washed the cabbage (and I hope you did) water will cling to the leaves, and water + hot oil = bad stuff. Cook the cabbage until it's wilted, adding salt and pepper, chili powder, etc. to taste.

4. Reintegrate the tofu and cook it along with the cabbage and the extra marinade. Bring some water to a boil and cook the noodles for three or four minutes (until tender), then drain.

5. Remove about 2 servings of tofu-and-baicai, then add the noodles to the remainder. You could just cook a whole bunch of noodles and mix it all, but I wanted to be able to have rice with the leftovers if I took a fancy for it. When everything reaches the same temperature, take it off and eat it.

Makes about three or four servings, about 300-350 calories per serving, depending on size and noodle choice.

Notes

*I was in a hurry and should have put in more ginger. Still, quite good. Pulling the noodles apart was a problem; I got bits of dry rice noodle everywhere. If you finish cooking them much before the stir fry is done, you can put them in cold water to keep them from turning into rice gloop.

*The amount of marinade that I wound up with was enough for probably twice as much tofu (which is how much I figured I'd be cooking when I started making it, appropriately enough). I feel like you shouldn't finish up swimming in marinade, so probably reduce the amounts by a half, except for the mushroom sauce.

*The recipe is very adaptable, and if you have pickled ginger/kimchi/roasted garlic lying around you might want to toss it in to see what happens. Experimentation is of course the great thing about cooking, and the great thing about living on your own is that your mother is never going to walk in and ask you in that certain tone why the kitchen is covered with hot sauce.

At least I am glad no one is going to ask me that. I'm going to go scrub some things down.

Aztec Cookies

Background
Every year I get this thing I call "Christmas Cookie Rage", defined as the anger you feel when someone guilt trips you into eating one of their cookies which, while pretty, are inevitably lacking in every department except caloric value. This year, I decided to upset the pattern by baking my own cookies (despite not celebrating Christmas and all that). To that end, I polled my friends as to what kind of cookie they wanted.

The answer was fairly unanimous: chocolate chip. Daniel and Claire expressed a clear preference for small, chewy cookies, which I agree with; it is a truth universally acknowledged that if you eat four or five smaller cookies, you're doing a better job of sticking to your diet than if you eat like one really big one. As for the chewy versus crispy problem, I'm equally comfortable with both, though I have a slight preference for crispy (I enjoy a chocolate chip shortbread or biscotti, but I can tell which way the wind is blowing.) The major issue that remained to be addressed was that of sugar: Dan and Claire both prefer something less sweet, while I eat sugar directly from the container[1].

What we needed was a chocolate chip cookie that was both sweet and had a bit of a kick to it.

Ah-ha, sez I.

A couple years ago, I was really into the Aztecs. I studied their myths, knew about their gods, even taught myself Nahuatl. So when I needed chocolate with a kick, I knew exactly where to look.

I used this recipe as a starting point (found by googling for "the best cookies ever"), but as you'll see, the finished product is not really related.

Ingredients

1/2 c. margarine
2 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 c. cake flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips
2.5 tsp ginger
2.5 tsp Cayenne
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
a sprinkling of black pepper and cardamom

Methodology

1. Preheat oven to 375*. Grease cookie sheets.

2. Mix the wet ingredients (margarine, brown sugar, eggs) with a mixer (I broke out the immersion blender again because it is the greatest thing ever). Add the vanilla.

3. Add in the dry ingredients (flour, salt, baking soda, spices). I added one cup of flour, then the spices, then the other cup, because I was worried about the spices not getting distributed enough if the batter was too thick, but the batter wasn't too thick.

4. Add the chocolate chips.

5. Make tablespoon-sized cookies on baking sheets about an inch apart and bake for about 6 minutes in the middle of the oven. Let them cool about 2 minutes on the sheet before you remove them to a rack or whatever.

Makes about 41 cookies, at a scant 88 calories/cookie.

Notes

It's hard to balance the spices on this, because everything is less spicy after baking. The batter was almost too spicy, but the cookies are less so. I am taking some over to Dan and Claire tonight and we will see what they think I am pretty happy with the recipe though.

[1] Okay maybe not, because that's kind of gross.

Curried Pumpkin and Sweet Potato Soup

Based on this recipe from epicurious.com.

With Claire away and a major math test a day away, Daniel was beginning to wander around with a shuffling, broken gait, wearing sweaters and staring for long moments at random items in the supermarket. And so, soup to the rescue!

Ingredients

1.5 c. tinned pumpkin (120)
2 lb sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into small chunks (640)
4 c. water with vegetable bullion or vegetable broth
1 c. skim milk (90)
seasonings, including sweet curry powder, red Thai curry paste, cumin, turmeric, cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, and cinnamon. (100)

Methodology

1. Put sweet potatoes in a pot with water and vegetable bullion and bring to a boil. Add curry powder and stir occasionally until the potatoes are cooked.

2. Spoon potatoes and 1 cup of broth into a blender and blend until smooth.

3. Return blended potatoes to pot. Add milk and pumpkin and stir. Season to taste.

Makes approximately 10 servings (I think. Big servings), approximately 100 calories per serving. I recommend serving them with whole wheat pita bread; yoghurt is also a possibility, as is Parmesan cheese (Claire's innovation).

Notes

Something about the sweet potatoes and pumpkin means that it doesn't take spices very well; I added a lot of pepper before it started tasting spicy, and even then it was the sort of spicy that creeps up on you instead of being spicy all at once, which is nice for luring the faint of heart.

Normally when I make curry I add sugar, because I love things which are both sweet and spicy, but the sweet potatoes are sweet enough already that you don't need it.

I think the best part of this recipe is the way you can tweak it. For a more Thai flavour, add coconut milk instead of skim and leave out the curry powder (just use the paste). For a more Indian flavour, you can add butter and leave out the curry paste; you could even mix in some dal if you had some, that would be nice.

2/7 on the disaster index, mostly because of my own nervousness about spicing it. A liberal hand seems to be necessary. So go forth and curry (and don't forget to check out Em oi! while you're at it.)

Gingerbread Cake part two: The Pumpkin Variation

As before (in this post), with ingredients as follows:

2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup pumpkin
1/4 cup margarine
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 large egg, beaten
1 cup mild molasses mixed with 1 cup hot water

(I've highlighted the changes).

Methodology remains the same:
1. Preheat oven to 350* F. Mix wet ingredients (sugar, egg, margarine, pumpkin) in bowl with electric mixer/immersion blender type of frog.

2. Sift together flour, baking soda, spices, salt. Be careful if you don't want flour all over the kitchen (why you would object to this I cannot think.)

3. Alternate between adding molasses and flour mixture to the wet ingredients. Pour into a greased 9" baking pan (I used a round one with 2 inch sides I think). Bake in the middle of the oven until the knife comes out clean, approximately 40 minutes. You can then turn it out of the pan without much fuss.

Notes
This can totally be thrown together, Iron Chef style, in 30 minutes if you are really pressed for time. Since clean up takes about 15 minutes, figure about an hour and a quarter start to finish (I'm typing this up at the 52 minute mark). Today I had exactly 2.5 hours (from the time I left work to the time I have to leave for aikido) to devote to this project, and that included shopping time. It looks like I'm going to make it (er, touch wood or something).

With the pumpkin, the cake has 2510 calories per cake, or 168 calories per slice for 15 slices, so not too shabby. I compensated for the added liquid by adding an extra quarter cup of flour (the making of the cake was not assisted by the death of my quarter cup measure halfway through the process, grr.)

I don't expect the cake to come out especially pumpkin-y; to accomplish that I should have probably dropped the amount of molasses or something (it tends to be quite strong). Still, it should make a nice offering for tomorrow. We'll see how the audience reacts. Last week's preliminary test went well, but I feel like tomorrow's crowd is much tougher, especially as it includes both of my younger brothers...

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who happens to be out there, and don't forget to check out the Thanksgiving Em oi!

ETA: Audience reaction gave this one full marks. Total success.

Gingerbread Cake (part 1)

Based on a recipe from epicurious.com which I will hunt down and link to later.
ETA: here it is.

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups cake flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon cardamom
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 banana, mushed up (approx 1/4 cup + 1/8 cup) plus 1/8 cup margarine
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 large egg, beaten
1 cup mild molasses mixed with 1 cup hot water

Methodology

1. Preheat oven to 350* F. Mix wet ingredients (sugar, egg, margarine, banana) in bowl with electric mixer/immersion blender type of frog.

2. Sift together flour, baking soda, spices, salt. Be careful if you don't want flour all over the kitchen (why you would object to this I cannot think.)

3. Alternate between adding molasses and flour mixture to the wet ingredients. Pour into a greased 9" baking pan (I used a round one with 2 inch sides I think). Bake in the middle of the oven until the knife comes out clean, approximately 40 minutes. You can then turn it out of the pan without much fuss.

Recommend serving with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream.

Notes

Cake has 2242 calories. If 10 pieces, 224.2 cal/piece. 15 pieces = 150 calories/slice.

It's not terribly sweet, but very dark and moist, so it makes a nice finish for people who don't have an all-consuming need to eat SUGAR all the time (er, and I liked it too.) Plus gingerbread feels healthier than chocolate.

Next time, I'm going to try it with pumpkin. Will keep you updated.

Curried Lentil and Spinach Stew

Based (very loosely) off this recipe from epicurious.com.

Ingredients:
2 tsp margarine
1 T garlic
1 onion
3 tsp curry powder
1 tsp Cayenne pepper
2.5 c. water
2 packets bullion
2 c. spinach (approx.)
1 c. lentils
1 tin chickpeas (approx. 2.5 cups)
1/2 T. brown sugar

Methodology:

1. Chop the onion thinly. Saute margarine and garlic in pan, add onion and mix until starting to look cooked. Add curry and pepper.
2. Add water and bullion and spinach. When the spinach is wilted and the water is beginning to simmer, add the chickpeas and lentils.
3. Cook until lentils are done, adding more water as necessary. Add brown sugar, salt, peper, etc.

Makes 5 1 cup servings, approximately 145.5 calories/serving.

Notes:

This was really good. Also it takes a while, and was probably the wrong recipe to choose after a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu work out that left me feeling like I'd been hit with rolling pins for 2 hours. I am covered with bruises, and I was ready to eat my own arm off by the time the cooking was done.

I threw in some mushrooms (the sad remains of pasta sauce experiments from last week) and used half red onion, half yellow. I also used spinach instead of Swiss Chard or Kale because I was bumming around the market after practice (looking, I'm sure, like I'd just been mugged in a back alley) and I didn't want to muck around trying to decide wtf Swiss Chard is.) It turned out well. 2/7 on the disaster index, only because of my own idiocy in choosing it tonight instead of some other, less hungry time. I suggest serving with pita or whole wheat bread.

Greek Salad Pita Sandwiches

Adapted from this recipe I found on Epicurious.com:

Ingredients:
1.5 T olive oil
1 T balsamic vinegar
1.25 c. tomatoes (chopped or canned. Let's face it, this is Wisconsin in winter, canned is the only thing that's not going to taste of cardboard.)
1.25 c. diced cucumbers (this was accidental. I chopped too much.)
1 c. chopped red onion (equally accidental.)
1 c. chopped green pepper
1/2 c. Italian parsley. Or whatever parsley. It's parsley, who cares.
1/2 c. feta (I used reduced fat feta, which I didn't know existed. Yay.)

Methodology:
1. mix olive oil and vinegar.
2. add the veggies. mix. Salt and pepper to taste.
3. put in a pita bread and serve.

Notes:
*There was a debate (in my head) as to what kind of pita bread to get: flat is more authentic, but more calorie-heavy. Eventually I went with the pre-cut whole wheat pitas, which are 80 calories/half.

*The raw onion was really strong, and probably my least favorite thing about this. For tomorrow I'm gonna try stir frying it with some garlic before I stuff the pitas, which should help a little with the eye-watering quality it has now.

*As made above, makes about 5.5 cups. I assume 1 c = 1 serving, so a serving (with pita) is about 200 calories. It's really hard to fit that much in half a pita, though, so you could experiment with stuffing them less and having 2. That would be daring.

*If I had fresh mint and/or basil, I'd put those in.

Disaster rating: 4/7; edible, but I'm not incredibly eager to try it again. Lots of leftovers though.

ETA (17 Nov 07): stir fried leftovers with garlic. Much improved.

Thai-style Cabbage Noodles (annotated)

Another recipe from my days in Asia:

Thai-style Cabbage Noodles - a fusion cuisine experiment

Cabbage noodles are notable for being incredibly simple to make - basically you saute some cabbage, add it to noodles, salt and pepper it, and you're done. So what happens when we needlessly complicate the procedure by making instead a pad thai type dish with cabbage? Deliciousness.

[Cabbage noodles are a Hungarian recipe, for the record, and it has already been modified to be vegan (Hungarians traditionally put some sort of meat in it, I believe, but the friend I got it from was a vegan, so that's how I learned to make it. Also, I don't eat meat, so it's kind of a moot point. --E]

Stuff you need:
2 tomatoes
1 onion
3 cloves garlic
some mushrooms [I tended to use dried shitakes, since they are better than almost anything in the world. Straw mushrooms would also be good. --E]
a chili pepper or two [I have a heavy hand with the peppers. For the record. --E]
pad thai sauce or mushroom sauce or oyster sauce or hoysin sauce - mushroom/oyster is more authentic and harder to find/less vegetarian. I used pad thai sauce. [At the time I was looking for these things, I had spent the day trying to explain to a woman in a marketplace in Vietnamese that I wanted sauce from Thailand for noodles, which was of course confusing. These things can all be found at an Asian grocery in the US, and you don't have to speak Vietnamese/Chinese/Thai/whatever to get them. --E]
soy sauce mmmmm [At the time I wrote many of these recipes, I was living in a very warm climate, which means that I tended to put a lot of salt on my food, since I craved it like nothing else. You should be careful before you follow suit in more temperate climes. --E]
salt
about a quarter of a cabbage - more or less to taste [Either regular green or "napa" (白菜) will work. I believe I originally used a green cabbage. --E]
rice noodles [Medium to thin is best. --E]
1 cup of water

Methodology

1. Cut up the veggies, heat up some oil in a pan and drop in the garlic, the mushrooms, and the pepper. Let it saute until it smells delicious. Do not look away, they will burn. The Thai way of dealing with garlic is basically to smack it with the knife and then cut it up still in the wrapper and fry it also still in the wrapper, producing something a bit crunchier than normal. I kind of like it, and it saves the hassle of peeling garlic, but you can totally do it however you want.

2. Add in the onion and the cabbage. Cook them until the cabbage begins to wilt and take up less space. Add the tomatoes.

3. When everything is looking pretty good, or when you are tired of wrestling with the damn bottle of pad thai sauce (that stuff is worse than ketchup, to get it to come out) add about a tablespoon of pad thai sauce and about two tablespoons of soy sauce. Mix it in. Add salt if you want. You could also add brown sugar or chili paste if you had/wanted those things.

4. Add the rice noodles and dump in the water. It will bubble around for a while - keep it on medium-high heat and stir a lot. When you can cut the noodles with the edge of the spatula, it's done (alternatively, when they are not crunchy to taste). Add additional stuff (salt/chili/pepper/soy sauce/pad thai sauce/sugar) as you want. Serve.

Spicy Lentils and Tomatoes

Ho-hum. Not a fortnight after coming out against the combination of lentils and tomatoes, I find myself cooking them. But as this isn't lentil stew, I think I can let it slide. In fact, I'd call this a faux lentil curry.

Ingredients:
1 c. brown lentils
1 (small) tin (2.5 c, I think) diced tomatoes
1 small onion, chopped
1.25 c. mushrooms, chopped
margarine
garlic
spices (salt, pepper, curry powder, cumin, turmeric, hot pepper)

Method:
1. Put 1 c. lentils in a pan with 2 c. water and a bit of curry powder. Turn on and let it cook.

2. In a wok or other large pan, melt the margerine and the garlic. Add the mushrooms and onion and saute, adding spices until the veg are carmelized. You can add some juice from the tomatoes to deglaze the pan. When it's done, turn it off and wait for the lentils. They probably won't take long.

3. Add the lentils to the onions and mushrooms. Mix. Add the tomatoes. Cook until everything is warm. Season with curry, cumin, turmeric, etc. Serve with hot sauce and parmesan cheese.

Serves ~4, 100 calories/serving. Also has lots of protein. Yay.

Comments:
It's good. I wanted something filling and low-calorie after my day of weird eating (I went home, so wound up grazing a lot. How do you count the calories in one piece of broccoli?) Still, it's not quite curry. If I were a better person, I would make up my own curry powder instead of using the stuff that I bought pre-mixed, and I would use butter instead of margarine. Also I would probably add a bit of brown sugar. Still, I like it.

Lentil Stew

I tried the lentil stew again, with a slightly different recipe:

Ingredients:

1 large sweet potato
1 small onion
1/2 large green bell pepper
1/2 c. brown rice
1/2 c. lentils
1/3 c. orzo
garlic
~1/2 T. margarine
1 packet vegetable bullion
spices to taste (suggested: salt, pepper, paprika, cumin, chili powder)

The methodology is about the same as this version: put garlic and margerine in pan, add veg and bullion powder, add rice and lentils with 2 c. water and cook, add orzo, spice, eat. The major differences are that I put on hot sauce and cheddar cheese instead of parmesan and served it with whole wheat toast.

People are of two minds about tomatoes in lentil soup, with Dan and Claire coming down on the for side and myself on the against. I'd have added turmeric if I had any, though. Also possibly curry powder or its constituents (garam marsala, cinnamon, etc).

Yay. Makes about 6 servings, 150 calories each.

Khoai Lang voi sot ca ri cua Em

From the archives, another Vietnam-composed recipe. This makes a biiig pot of stew, and I have no idea how many calories. Add coconut milk (nuoc cot dua) in addition to water for a creamier product.


Ingredients:

3 cloves garlic
3 onions (note: all quantities are "to taste" - I certainly don't have a scale or anything, I just cup up as much as looks right. That said, the recipe as I made it serves at least 8, I think.)
4 yams, small-ish. Mine were kinda ropey. I dunno.
3 potatos, medium-sized.
2 carrots
6 bananas (very small - probably about 1.5 or 2 regular bananas)
peanuts
chili pepper

1. cut everything up into edible-sized pieces. Heat oil. Add garlic and chilli pepper. [if you have something like dried shitakes, you might add them now too. mm, that would be good.]
2. When garlic smells enticing, add onions and stir a while, until they begin to look cooked.
3. Add potatos and yams and carrots. Wait a few moments. Add bananas and peanuts.
4. Put in about 3 inches of water and cover it [add coconut milk at this point if you want]. Walk away and leave it cook, stirring about every 5-7 minutes or so to keep it from burning. When the veg is cooked, turn down the heat and add curry powder, paprika, cinnamon, salt, etc until it is spicy enough for whatever purposes you may have.
5. Serve with more peanuts on top, with soy sauce optional. Mmm, soy sauce.

That's it. It's really easy, probably requires about 40 minutes cooking time on a regular stove (ours is a small dragon and doesn't hold with that "cooking time" nonsense. This cooked in about 15 minutes total.

You may want to add more root vegetables if you can find them - turnips, parsnips, whatever. Or plantains. That might be fun. I think it might be nice with apple too, but apples here are expensive and not really great.

Bun Chay Hue

I wrote this recipe while I was visiting a friend in Vung Tau. I did not actually enjoy Vung Tau much, but it was nice to be able to cook.

It was originally supposed to be a Vietnamese dish called Bun Bo Hue, except vegetarian, "So I can't put bo (beef) in it," I told the woman in the market.

"Then it's not Bun Bo Hue," she said. But it is good. Here is the recipe.

Ingredients:

1 carrot
2 potatoes
1 onion
4 cloves garlic
2-3 spring onions (scallions? yes.)
hot pepper to taste
lemon grass
various herbs - basil, mint, cilantro, also banana flower stalks if you can get them (they're a lovely purple colour), turmuric, ginger
1 block tofu (firm/Chinese preferably, cut into smallish cubes and fried)
1 kg bun noodles (if you cannot get bun, rice noodles will probably work.)*

1. Cut up the tofu and (stir) fry it until it's crispy on the outside. Set aside.

2. Cut up the carrot, hot pepper, potatoes, spring onions, cilantro, basil and mint. Fill a big pot with water (about as much as you want to have soup - maybe 2/3 full? 1/3+1/4? I don't know.) Add the veg and the herbs and some salt. Bruise the lemon grass and stick it in. Leave it to become stock, stirring occasionally. You could use cabbage too I guess. Whatever floats your boat. Or you could cheat and use bullion. If I were making it again in the US I probably would.

3. Cut up the onion, garlic, turmeric, and ginger. Put a smallish (omelet-type pan) on the stove and add oil. Put in some spices (I've no idea what they were, since they were mostly unlabeled. Lets pretend one was anatto. Another one was cinnamon (that's not pretend, that one I know.) Stir them around in the oil a bit, then add the onion/garlic/turmeric/ginger. Stir fry that until it smells very nice and then scoop it out (with a slotted spoon) and plop it into the soup (which should be coming to a boil around now) leaving the oil behind.

4. Put the tofu in the omelet pan and mix it around. You may wish to salt it. And don't forget to keep stirring the soup!

5. Add some salt and soy sauce to the soup, it's getting lonely. Take out the lemon grass, it has done its task (this is why you BRUISED it instead of chopping it up, right?)

6. Turn off the omelet pan. If you are using rice noodles, add them to the soup. If you have fresh (pre-cooked) bun, put a handful in each bowl that you are going to serve.

7. When noodles are ready, add the tofu, salt, pepper, soy sauce, etc. to the broth.

8. Serve in a bowl with chopped up greens on it (basil, mint, banana stems, sprouts if you want, etc) and hot sauce and soy sauce as desired. Yay.

I think it's quite good, though if I had some vegetable bullion that would be slightly better - make a richer broth. Try not to eat the bits of hot pepper, they're quite hot.

*Note on bun: these are thin, soft Vietnamese noodles sold pre-cooked in the markets here. They're typically translated as "rice vermicelli", so that would be the most obvious substitution to make. Japanese noodles like udon or soba would probably also be interesting - less authentic, but the dish isn't terribly authentic to start with. It's important to remember when using them that they absorb water like nothing else, so don't just plop them all in the soup, as you'll wind up with a pot of slightly salty noodles and nothing else.

Rice Lentil Pilaf

Ingredients:

1 medium-sized sweet potato
1/2 c. brown rice
1/2 c. lentils
1/3 c. orzo
garlic
~2 tsp. margarine
spices to taste

1. Wash lentils and rice, wash and chop sweet potato. Put rice, lentils, garlic, margarine, and sweet potato in a pot with 2 c. water. Bring it to a boil, then turn it down and cover, stirring occasionally.
2. After about 10 minutes, add the orzo and more water.
3. Leave it alone until it's cooked, about another 10 minutes. BUT BE CAREFUL: if you are using a thin bottomed sauce pan (as I was) it is likely to burn as the water cooks off, so be careful and keep an eye on it (like I didn't).
4. Season with salt, pepper, Cayenne pepper, paprika. Serve with Parmesan cheese.

Yay. Makes about 5 servings, 150 calories each.

Pad Thai

I am in a hurry, but here is Pad Thai for Daniel and Claire:

Ingrediants:
half a block of tofu
7 oz of rice noodles
oil
garlic
about 1/3 c. green onions, cut up into appetizing lengths
1/2 T. brown sugar
2 T. soy sauce
3 T. mushroom sauce (or veg stir fry sauce is what I think the bottle calls it. It's still mushroom sauce.)
1 egg, beaten
some bean sprouts
3 T. water

1. Put oil in pan and heat with garlic until it smells nice (you can use vegetable oil, canola oil, sesame oil, it doesn't much matter). Slice the tofu into small, thinnish slices and stirfry until it turns brown.
2. This is where you'd add meat if you were using meat. But I don't.
3. Mix in a bowl the water, soy sauce, sugar, and mushroom sauce. Set aside.
4. When the tofu is cooked, put in the egg and scramble it around.
5. Add the soy sauce-sugar mixture.
6. Put in the noodles. Add some water and cover until cooked. You may need to add more water, so keep it on hand.
7. When noodles are cooked, readjust the seasoning; I recommend adding more sugar, soy sauce, and probably some hot pepper too. You may also want salt.
8. Add bean sprouts and onions and turn off heat. Garnish with ground peanuts, chilli powder, brown sugar, more bean sprouts, and lime juice to taste.


Easy peasy, right? Serves about 4, roughly 250 calories/serving.

When readjusting for more people, remember to cut the tofu thin. Cooking the rice noodles seperately may be necessary.

I'm off to work.

(This morning when I tried to post this, blogger said, "Do you mean DELORT?" and ate it, but now I find it exists again in whole form. Weird.)

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

I'm transferring some older posts over here before I shut down my other blog, because I don't want to lose them (and I like the utility of having recipes online so I can access them from other people's houses, which seems to be where I do most of my cooking.

So, this recipe was adapted from Cook's online.

1 c. margerine. Suppose butter would also work. Room temp or fridge temp, not frozen.
3/4 c. brown sugar
3/4 c. sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. vanilla
(cinnamon and nutmeg to taste)
1 1/2 c. flour
2 c. oatmeal
lots of chocolate chips. The recipe called for "12 oz. semi-sweet" but I pretty much threw in handfuls of whatever was lying about until it was about the right ratio of cookie dough to chips.

Preheat oven to 375* F. Mix everything in order (whisk is good, pastry cutter also would be useful for the initial mixing of the butter). Spoon onto ungreased cookie sheet, cook for 10 minutes.

Notes: I made them rather large - scooped with a teaspoon but I couldn't really make them small, and I got 45 cookies. I cut the salt a bit because of the margerine, but in retrospect I wouldn't do that again. Use a biggish bowl if you're mixing them by hand, because it comes out to be quite a lot to mix. A mix of milk and semi-sweet chocolate is nice if you're not vegan (I will try this without eggs next time maybe). I can't think of any more notes at the moment.

They were quite tasty and well received, except by my youngest brother who claimed I had adulterated good chocolate chip cookies with oatmeal. I told him he was free to stop eating them, and he said, "Right," and kept on. I'm not giving much weight to his critique under the circumstances.

(originally posted 8/8/07)

We're all recipe blogging now

Except for me, because I am recipe-comicing.

I will eventually post some more stuff, but not now, because I've been sitting down for too long today.