The Top 15 Best Breakup Songs Ever

According to me, in a vaguely chronological order.

1. "You Oughta Know", Alanis Morissette. We were about thirteen when this album came out, so none of us had actually gone through it, but it was fun to sing. At the time I also had long curly hair like she did. I must have listened to Jagged Little Pill a million times.
   
2. "There Goes My Ex-Girlfriend", Aerosmith. I listened to this a bunch when I broke up with my first high school boyfriend, who had played it for me as a song he used to get over his previous girlfriend. I was really into irony in high school. (I don't know why I make it sound like this is something old about me. I'm still into irony.)
   
3. "Gone Daddy Gone", the Violent Femmes. Suggested by Claire. Amusingly, the Aerosmith boyfriend also got me into the Violent Femmes. This was the only good thing he did.
   
4. "It Ain't Me, Babe", Bob Dylan. The next boyfriend was really into Dylan and the Beatles and stuff. I don't remember if I found it especially poignant when we broke up, but I thought I'd put it on there. My Dylan phase lasted from high school until, oh, now. I saw him in concert in 2001, too.
   
5. "Kissing a Fool", George Michael/Michael Bublé. A couple years ago there was an homage to old Rock Hudson/Doris Day films starring Ewan McGregor and David Hyde Pierce as the kind of sexually ambiguous male leads and Renée Zellweger as Doris Day. It was called "Down with Love" - perhaps you remember it? I recall that it had fabulous costumes, was charmingly funny, and that the heroine let me down by totally caving in the last 10 minutes. Seriously, it would have been a much better film if she'd walked. But the inability to walk out on Ewan McGregor is a constant in many womens' lives, so I suppose it doesn't do to judge. Anyway, this song was in it. Apparently George Michael wrote it, but the Bublé version is the one I fell for.
   
6. "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover", Paul Simon. Suggested by Chandra. This song has perennially fascinated me, as some of these don't seem to be ways at all ("Make a new plan, Stan?") and there are definitely less than fifty listed. I just thought I'd throw that out there. Also it's entirely targeted towards men, which in retrospect is obnoxious. Perhaps this was a poor selection.
   
7. "I Will Survive", Diana Ross/CAKE. Do I need to explain why this song is here? I thought not. Though I should note that I prefer the CAKE version.
   
8. "Why Bother?", Weezer. I used to listen to this song over and over while running when I broke up with my last boyfriend. Rivers Cuomo will save your mortal soul.
   
9. "Early in the Morning", Buddy Holly. I went through a Buddy Holly kick in 2006, right before I left the country for a while. Nothing else to say about this, moving on.
   
10. "Go Your Own Way", Fleetwood Mac. A kind of theme of my time in 'Nam.
    
11. "Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)", Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. One of the radio stations I listen to played this perpetually for about a month, and it was in my head all the time after my commutes.
    
12. "Breakin' Up", Rilo Kiley. Daniel gave me this song. On a drive from St. Paul, he pointed out that it has the lyrics, "Are we breaking up/Is there trouble between you and I?/Did my heart break enough/did it break enough this time?", which might help explain why it is an awesome song.
    
13. "Thanks for the Memories", Fallout Boy. Emo. But it has a catchy tune and an amusing music video with monkeys, so why not? I'm no music snob.
    
14. "Kiss You Off", Scissor Sisters. I love the Scissor Sisters. This narrowly beat out "I Can't Decide", which is one of my favorite songs ever but slightly less relevant to the topic. Contains the lyrics, "Kiss you off of my lips/I don't need another tube of that dimestore lipstick/cuz I guess I'm gonna buy me a brand new shade of man".
    
15. "Before He Cheats", Carrie Underwood. Okay, I get it, violence is bad, and the fact that violence towards men is accepted and towards women is not is a big fat double standard. This is still one of the most entertaining songs in the top 40 of late.
    

And, all right, five non-traditional love songs that have amused me lately:

1. "I Will Follow You into the Dark", Death Cab for Cutie. What other song begins with "Love of mine, someday you will die"? It's like an opera.
   
2. "Stuttering", Ben's Brother. I don't know, I feel like this sometimes when it comes to love, i.e., kind of slow and incapable.
   
3. "You and Me", Little Brazil. Suggested by Daniel. Begins, "You and me/fit together so awkwardly", which reminds me of most of my previous relationships.
   
4. "Rebel, Rebel", David Bowie. I saw him do this live. Favorite lyric: "You like me and I like it all". Exactly what I'm looking for in a mate: nondiscriminatory. Actually I was going to put "Cracked Actor" ("Forget that I'm fifty 'cause you just got paid") on here, but I'm in a good mood today.
   
5. "Get it On", T. Rex. I am fascinated by T. Rex because they have albums with titles like "My People Were Fair and Had Sky in their Hair...But Now they're Content to Wear Stars on their Brows" and "Zinc Alloy and the Hidden Riders of Tomorrow", which is basically as emo as saying "I'ma cut my wrists and listen to Dashboard Confessionals", but they're still considered a glam/punk band (punk bands in the 60s and 70s tended to have albums titled things like "SPEW" and "A RIGHT COCKUP". Okay, I am making those up, but it could be possible). Even the combo of glam and punk seems odd. And yet. But what is with these lyrics? Even if you say okay to "You've got the teeth of the Hydra upon you", you're still in pretty deep waters with, "You're built like a car/You've got a/hubcap diamond star halo/You're built like a car/ oh yeah". What does that even mean?

Well that was fun and somewhat embarrassing. Great! Feel free to comment with songs I missed.

Honorable mention goes to: "Already Gone" by the Eagles. It's a damn catchy song, which is too bad, because "I really hate the fucking Eagles, man", is the only thing I can think when I think about them. Also "No Love Today" by Chris Smither.