Pointer

If you happen to be exceedingly curious as to who I am, I wrote up a little FAQ and then buried it in the mists of time so I don't have to keep staring at it. It can be found here.

The Prostitute and the Porn Star

The other week, when the former governor of New York was busy getting busted for hiring a prostitute, a bunch of sex-positive liberals came crawling out of the woodwork to point out that maybe prostitution should be legal.

The point was endlessly discussed in blogs, on news sites, even in the New York Times. And then Andrew Sullivan said (as quoted in The Marginal Revolution,

We live in a country where it's legal to pay two people to have sex and film them and sell the film; it just isn't legal to pay two people to have sex and simply watch them. That's what I call absurd.

Good sex-positive liberal that I am, I looked at this and frowned to myself and said, "Huh, that is weird." And I sent the quote to some of my friends, who all said approximately the same thing I had said; I assume that you, reading the quote now, are also saying to yourself, "Gosh, that's odd," or words to that effect[1].

Of course the question which sprang immediately to my mind was, "Why is it weird?" What is it about this situation which strikes us all as bizarre?

Americans, of course, are capitalists, which means that we have a strong attachment to the idea of property and privacy. Having money allows us to purchase things, for example a house or the use of a hotel room, and because we own this place and no one else does, we are entitled to the use of it without being disturbed[2].

In public places, we enjoy what I believe has been called a diminished expectation of privacy, which is to say that some things - quite a number of things - which we do in private without consequence are not entirely or at all legal when moved into the public sphere. I can walk around my apartment naked, but if I were to walk down State Street in the same state of dishabille, I would quickly be taken into police custody. This is based on public decency, which is of course a social construct, but one we must obey[3].

So we have one category of things, like nudity and (non-prostitute-involving) sex, which are legal in private and illegal in public. We have another category of things (like murder or rape) which are equally illegal in both public and private. But is there anything which is illegal in private, yet becomes legal when done publicly?

I thought about this for a long time, and nothing came to mind. This is, then, where the paradoxical feeling springs from, in the prostitute vs porn star debate: both of them are the same in private, but one is later publicized - and it's legal, whereas the one which remains private is illegal. So this brings me to my second question, which is, "What's the difference?" There's some rational behind this law (or there should be), but what is it?

The two acts seem virtually identical, especially when phrased the way they've been set out above. In fact, if you were to pay the two prostitutes to have sex and film it, and then later show that film to people, that would still be illegal. Even when we make the two acts exactly the same, then, they're still different. What's going on here?

If the acts are the same, maybe those doing the acting are what's different. The prostitute and the porn star. That there is a difference is intuitive, but when I considered what they actually do a little more closely, it started to fall apart. To wit, both accept money and have sex with people, either those paying them or those designated by those paying them. Both may actually enjoy their jobs or not, but will certainly give all pretense of enjoyment to those employing them. Both may turn up on film from time to time. But there is a difference.

Intent is a huge part of our legal system. For example, if I shoot a man in Memphis just to watch him die, that's murder. And if I shot him while I thought he was asleep, but he had in fact died of a massive stroke a few minutes earlier, that's attempted murder. Whether or not I actually killed him is less important than the fact that I meant to kill him. Similarly, if you get angry at your cheating husband and run him over with your car, that's murder. If you fall asleep at the wheel and run into a highway divider, killing your cheating husband in the process, that's unintentional homicide or a dumb accident or any number of things - but it's not murder, because it clearly wasn't the intent of the driver (you) to kill the passenger (your husband).

Similarly, when you hire a couple of porn stars to have sex on camera, you are hiring them for the purpose of making a film. You could be hiring them to read Hamlet naked on tape, or you could be hiring them to ride bicycles fully clothed, or any number of things; it's all legally the same. This can't be stopped for the same reason we can't stop Hollywood from making films staring Paris Hilton: canceling a film, or excising part of it, or whatever, on the basis of things like taste or decency is censorship, and therefore something which falls squarely under our first amendment rights.

On the other hand, when you hire a prostitute or two, you are hiring them for sex, by definition. If you were hiring them to play Go with you or something, they wouldn't be prostitutes, they would be something like the companions who visit old people. The intent is crucial - whether or not you or the film's director or anyone ever gets off on the proceedings is immaterial.

It's outside of my scope to say whether or not the laws themselves are just, or the acts which they govern are morally acceptable, but this does raise an interesting question: if an aging man hires a prostitute but, being unable to perform, sits down fully clothed to play a game of Go with her, also fully clothed, can he still be arrested for prostitution? Offhand, I'd say yes, because the intent was there, but the defense would almost certainly argue that the man just wanted a Go partner; that's the problem with intent, it's so difficult to prove what someone actually intends to do. But I can just imagine the bad headlines.

--

[1] If you don't think it's odd, you're excused. This probably won't be of interest to you.

[2] For more on how this leads to the downfall of society, see Karl Marx's The German Ideology. For more on how this is normal and even beneficial, see John Locke's Second Treatise on Government or Robert Nozick's Anarchy, State, and Utopia. Marx, of course, goes on to talk about how ownership causes the stratification of society, the oppression of the poor, and so forth. You don't have to accept this little communist critique for my purposes, you just have to agree that Americans think privacy is very important.

[3] In France, public decency dictates other things, like it's okay to be topless on public beaches, where in America this is not the case. It's just something we make up to make our lives easier, and Americans have made it up in a particular way. I'm not saying if it's right or wrong; that's not really the point.

Szechwan Eggplant and Tofu

I had some eggplant leftover from my earlier experiment with vegetable casserole, and the tofu needed to be used before it went bad or something, so I dug up this recipe for 四川茄子豆腐. It was marvelous; I wound up using a motley assortment of eggplants, which gave it some lovely different textures. Beyond that, I made only a few modifications to the original recipe.

Ingredients

• 1 12 oz package firm tofu (Chinese)
  
• 1 T. soy sauce (dark) [for tofu marinade]
  
• 2 T. water [for tofu marinade]
  
• 1/2 T. garlic oil [for tofu marinade]
  
• about 4-5 c. chopped eggplants
  
• 1 c. water plus vegetable bouillon
• 2 T. chopped garlic
• ginger, about 1/2 tsp.
  
• 1 T. vegetarian stir-fry sauce (oyster sauce)
  
• 3 T. soy sauce
  
• 2 T. rice vinegar
• 1 T. black vinegar (黑醋, can be found at Asian grocery stores)
  
• 1 tsp garlic oil
• 1 tsp kecap manis (sweet Indonesian soy sauce, found at Asian grocery stores)
• 1 tsp Sri Racha sauce or similar hot sauce
  
• about 1/2 tin tomatoes, diced
  
• 3/4 c. brown rice
• 1 1/2 c. water

Methodology

I was a little confused by the original recipe, mostly because I was rushing and not reading closely. I will try to make this clear-ish.

0. Put the rice and 2x as much water (so 3/4 c. rice + 1.5 c. water, or 1 c. rice + 2 c. water, etc.) in a pan and turn it on. Cover. It will cook on its own, but keep an eye on it so it doesn't boil dry - if the pan is quite wide compared to the volume of rice, you may need to add more. Don't let it boil over, either, it makes a mess.

1. Mix the soy sauce, water, and oil labeled "for tofu marinade" in a flat-ish dish. Pat the tofu dry and slice it into about 6-7 slices 1/2" thick (little tofu steaks). Dip each steak into the marinade and flip over, then put into an oiled wok[note 1] over medium heat. Do not touch them again right away - wait a couple of minutes until they are browned, then flip and cook the other side. When done, take them out and cut into about 8-10 pieces per steak. Set aside.

2. Wash and chop the eggplants [note 2]. Put in the wok with a little oil. After about a minute, add in 1 cup of water and the bouillon, then cover and leave it to cook. When it's about half done, add the garlic and the ginger, then re-cover.

3. Meanwhile, mix the stir-fry sauce, the soy sauce, the kecap manis, the oil, the Sri Racha sauce, and the vinegars. I threw everything into the same container that the tomatoes happened to be in, on the basis that vinegar is good for tomatoes [note 3] and the law of diminishing returns in dishes.

4. When the eggplant is done, add the tomatoes, the sauce mixture, and the tofu. Stir and heat until everything is warm. Serve over rice. Yay.

Notes

1. You really don't need much oil for this. Maybe a tablespoon.

2. I used 1/2 a regular aubergine, 3 small Thai eggplants, and 1/2 of a Japanese eggplant (see photo.) It came out to be about 4-5 cups of purple and green goodness; I love the different textures between the varieties.

3. I had about 1/3 tin of diced tomatoes left from the casserole, which I supplemented with about 3 whole tinned tomatoes (Asian Midway didn't have diced tinned).

4. This had an awesome flavour and I had no problems at all during the cooking process. 0/7 on the disaster scale!

5. The 1 tsp of hot sauce wasn't quite spicy enough for me (I'm a fire eater after all my time in Asia) but if I were making it for guests who are not quite so keen on the spicy, it would be a good amount for them - flavourful, but not overwhelming.

Vegetable Casserole

A strategy for using up vegetables. Based on a Giada De Laurentis recipe found here.

Ingredients

• 1 sweet potato
• 1 quarter green bell pepper
• 2 carrots or about 10 baby carrots
• 1/2 eggplant
• about 1/4 of a cabbage
  
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 white onion
• 1 large zucchini
• salt, pepper, and basil
  
• 1/2 tin diced tomatoes
  
• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan
• 2 tablespoons dried bread crumbs

Methodology

1. Preheat oven to 400°. Wash and chop potato, carrots, pepper, eggplant, and cabbage into 1/2 inch pieces. Place them in a casserole about 2 inches deep and 13x9 and toss with salt, pepper, basil, and 2 T olive oil. Make an even layer.

2. Slice onion into thin rings and layer over the top of potatoes etc.

3. Slice zucchini into 1/4" thick rounds and make a layer on top of the onion. You may not need the whole zucchini.

4. Spoon tomatoes onto the layer of zucchini.

5. Mix bread crumbs (see notes below) and Parmesan, add a little basil, and spread on top of the dish. Drizzle with 1 T. olive oil. Put in the oven with the top off for about 40 minutes, until veggies are cooked and the cheese and bread crumbs are browned.

Notes

*You can make bread crumbs easily using very stale bread and the largest holes on a box cheese grater.

*The eggplant came out well, but I thought the sweet potatoes and carrots were underdone. Still, Dan and Claire really liked it, which was nice. If I hadn't been cooking this directly after a run, I probably would have cooked it for longer, maybe letting it go the first 10 or 15 minutes with the lid on so the topping didn't overbrown with the added cooking time.

*3/7 on the disaster scale. Not bad; could have been better.

*What not to do: run 3.75 miles at a very brisk pace and then drink tequila. Wow.

Mango Sticky Rice

Cleaning out the files. Here's a recipe from 22 March 2007.

Called Khao Niaow Ma Muang in Thai, this could be seen as a variant of rice pudding. Regardless, it makes a nice warm dessert with fruit, which means it's healthy and you don't have to feel bad about eating it. =] Hurrah.

Stuff you need:

• 1-2 mangos, ripe
• 1-2 cups rice. You're going to want "sticky rice", which is more glutinous; risotto rice would work, also possibly sushi rice. You should look around.
• 1-2 Tbs brown sugar
• 1 tin coconut milk (actually you want "coconut cream" but it's about the same)
• 1 cup water
• spices, including salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cardamom

Procedure:

1. Peel the mangos, or if you have a fucking imperialist vegetable peeler that doesn't work for left handed people, make your roommate do it. Cut the mangos off the pits, then slice them into smallish bits.

2. Measure rice into pot. Add water and coconut milk in a 1:.5 ratio, so 1 cup of rice would get 1/2 cup water and 1/2 cup coconut milk, 2 cups would get 1 and 1, and so on. Turn it on over low.

3. Add in cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom, salt, brown sugar to taste. Keep stirring so it doesn't burn. When it starts to bubble and thicken, add the mangos.

4. Keep cooking, stirring a lot. This will cook up very quickly, so be careful; also, be ready to add more coconut milk/water as needed if it starts running out of liquid.

5. Eat! Yum.


Notes:

Possible variations: You could add...sliced roasted almonds, raisins, pineapple instead of mango, papaya instead of mango, possibly cantaloupe melon instead of mango, grass jelly (uh, I don't know how to explain what this is. It's...green?)...Bananas might also be nice.

I'd recommend that you use powdered cardamom instead of the whole type if this is possible. Whole cardamom is really nice in theory, but in practice I always wind up biting down on the pods, which is gross. Also, you could add chili powder if you were into it - I think that would be good, and surprising.

Hmm, now I'm thinking of a dessert with cocoa powder and chillies...

Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

People who know me, or who read this blog a lot, know that I have a weird thing about eggs. It's not that I'm worried about the cholesterol or calories (at 70 calories per egg they're actually pretty healthy), I just don't like to keep them around. I have this weird sense that if I leave them unattended for too long, they will start to explode and fry themselves on the counter...

What I did have was overripe bananas, so I decided to make banana bread. But what to do without eggs?

Turns out it's not that hard. Recipe based on one from Dan and Claire.

Ingredients

• 1.5c whole wheat flour
  
• 1tsp baking soda
  
• 1.5tsp baking powder
  
• 1tsp salt
  
• 1/2c brown sugar
  
• 2 very ripe bananas
• 1tsp vanilla
  
• 1 T. margarine
• 1/3c. + 1/4c. + 1 T (about 11 T. total, or a little less than 3/4 c.) buttermilk
• 1/4 c. nonfat yoghurt (fat free, maybe?)
  
• 1tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp. cloves
• 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
  
• 1/2 c. chocolate chips, or until it looks right

Methodology

0. Preheat oven to 350°.

1. Mix dry ingredients in a bowl (flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, chips). Set aside.

2. Mix wet ingredients (buttermilk, sugar, vanilla, margarine, yoghurt). Add bananas; mash with a fork.

3. Add wet into dry (mostly because the bowl the dry was in was much larger). Mix together and don't overstir.

4. Put into a greased bread pan (5"x9" is standard, I think). It will be quite full. Bake for about 1 hr, until a tester comes out clean. Turn out of pan to cool.

Notes

*Very easy. The baking time seemed a bit lengthy (read, I don't like to wait), but it came out almost exactly at 1 hour, done perfectly.

*Part of this was a bribe for Sean for helping me wrestle a chair up into my apartment. He liked it (the bread, not the chair).


*Fantastic and easy; 0/7 on the Lupton Disaster Scale.

*Make sure you check out today's comic!

Idiot Wind Cabbage Rolls

I've had a weird day. It began with running a 10k, and then went on with grocery shopping, a nap, drawing a comic, eating some carrots, taking care of Dan and Claire's apartment, reading The Name of the Rose. The sort of day where, despite being fairly busy, I didn't really get much done.

I didn't eat that much, either; my main meal was the frozen yoghurt and hot fudge sundae I had directly after the race, and I only ate half of that. But despite that and the race, I wasn't very hungry. Also it was refrigerator clean out day chez Emily, which meant that finding a recipe which might use up some of the tail ends of vegetables I had lying around would be ideal.

Cabbage rolls are a German/Eastern European variation on an old idea echoed in nearly every culture: goi cuon, cha gio, 包子, 饺子, egg rolls, pot stickers, samosas, sambucas, dolmades, dolmadakia. Call them what you want, the idea is the same: take something and roll it up in something else, then eat it.

This recipe came from reading about 50 other recipes for various stuff, but it wasn't taken from anywhere in specific, so I'll claim credit for making it up.

Ingredients

• 1 large baking potato
• 3-4 baby carrots
• 3 mushrooms (Crimini or similar)
• 1 small onion
• 2-3 cloves garlic, minced
• oil
• bouillon + water, about 6 oz.
• 1/2 zucchini
• one head of cabbage (green)
  
• 1 T. margarine
• 2 T. milk
• 1/4 c. tomato sauce (from a bottle)
• a grating of parmesan cheese

Methodology

I have to admit, these are pretty labour-intensive.


1. Wash and cook the potato. I tried to boil it, but that takes forever, so to hell with that. Poke it full of holes and stick it in the microwave for 5 minutes.

2. Dice the onion, mushroom, carrots, and zucchini. Think small. Put some oil and garlic in a pan, when it sizzles, add the onion. After a few minutes add the carrot, then the mushroom and zucchini. Season with chili powder, paprika, basil, salt, pepper. Wait a few minutes until they start looking kind of dry (like the oil is used up) and add the bouillon powder and water. Cover the pan and walk away.

3. Wait, don't go too far! In a couple minutes, all the liquid will have cooked off, leaving you with cooked veg (very tasty). Turn the heat off.

4. Mash the potato in a bowl with the margarine and milk. You can peel it if you want, I guess. But why?

5. Mix the vegetables in and add more seasoning: cayenne pepper, chili powder, cinnamon, salt, pepper.

6. Take the cabbage and peel off the outer couple of leaves and discard them. Then take the next one and remove it gently, then cut off the rib as much as you can. You'll wind up with a pac man shape. Wash the leaf. Put about a quarter to a half cup of the potato mixture in it and roll it up like a spring roll - tuck the bottom, tuck in the sides, roll. This will take some finegaling to get right, but there is a definite way the cabbage wants to roll (it's sort of naturally bowl-shaped) so figure it out and go with it. If it rips, try putting another little piece of cabbage over the hole. You may want to stick a toothpick through it when you're done. And they may wind up kind of triangular - see photo.

7. Make these until you are out of the potato mixture. Squish them into a steamer basket and put them over some hot water in a wok with a lid. They will cook in about 5-10 minutes; watch to make sure you haven't accidentally turned on the wrong burner (oops) and that the wok hasn't run out of water.

8. Top with about 1/4 cup of tomato sauce and a garnish of parmesan. I suggest serving with a salad made from sauteed broccoli, mixed greens, and this awesome salad dressing.

Notes

*These take so long to make, but I wasn't that hungry. Also, they're really good for you, can easily be made vegan, and two of them plus tomato sauce will run you about 100 calories. What more could you ask for?

*They are super tasty.

*Seriously, don't do turn on the wrong burners. I think the teflon on that pot is ruined.

*Recipe makes about 9 cabbage rolls. Results may vary depending on the size of your potato etc.

Sweet Asian Salad Dressing

I impress myself sometimes with how clever I am.

Ingredients

• 1 T. kecap manis (sweet Indonesian soy sauce)
• 2 T. rice vinegar
• 1/4 t. soy sauce
• about 1/4 t. ginger
• 1 clove garlic, diced

Methodology

1. Put ingredients in a jar.

2. Mix.

3. Serve over salad.

Notes

*What's not to like?

Curried Sweet Potatos, aka Low Cal Comfort Food

This is kind of a stupid recipe - it seems almost too easy to be worth blogging. But I was thinking to myself, what if there's someone out there missing out on this delicious treat?

The problem with most comfort food is that it's really intensely caloric. Polenta, for example, runs about 90 calories/3 T. That means if you eat half a cup of it, you're eating 240 - and that's before putting butter and cheese and whatever else in it. Other types of comfort food, like mac and cheese, latkes, French toast, and fried chicken (I don't eat this last one, but I remember my grandmother making it when I was young, so it could be a CF) fall into the "don't ask, you won't like the answer" category.

What we need, obviously, is something that can be prepared quickly after a hard day, which is tasty, filling, and relatively low calorie and healthy (something fried chicken would never, ever be described as).

Ingredients

• 1 sweet potato, washed and poked full of holes
• 1.5 T. margarine or butter, softened
• 1 tsp brown sugar, not packed
• about 1/2 - 3/4 tsp Indian curry paste

Methodology

1. Put the sweet potato in the microwave for 5 minutes.

2. Mix the margarine, brown sugar, and curry in a small bowl until well combined. You may want to taste and add more curry or brown sugar, depending on how you feel. I've found these proportions work pretty well, though.

3. When potato is cooked (you can tell by sticking a butter knife or similar into it - if you feel something crunchy, it's not done yet), take it out and split it open. Put margarine mixture on (I usually don't use all of it), add salt to taste. Enjoy!

Notes

*Lame, right? But good. Depending on the caloric content of your margarine and curry and the size of your sweet potato, this runs about 250 calories. It's perfect for when you have just come home from karate and are starving, maybe because your sensei made you run burnout heats and then do like 100 push ups and sit ups. And it's equally perfect for lazy Saturday mornings when your whole body is kind of tired and you're beginning to think getting out of bed at all was kind of a mistake. Not that I've been in either of those situations recently. *cough*

*If you are still here reading, here is a link to a WikiHow article about how to celebrate the Ides of March. Sweet potatoes aren't on there, but I'm not of Italian descent, so I don't care that much.

*0/7 on the disaster scale. Fantastic!

Ribollita

I took the recipe from Dan and Claire and modified it.

Ingredients

• olive oil
  
• 1/2 onion, chopped
• 2 T. crushed garlic
• 1 15oz can diced tomatoes
  
• 1 10oz package frozen spinach (thaw in microwave)
  
• 1 15oz can cannellini beans
  
• 4c vegetable stock (bouillon)
  
• 1c water
  
• basil, oregano, paprika, salt, and pepper
  
• bread
• 2/3 c. orzo
  

Methodology

1. Chop onion. Put in pot along with olive oil and garlic. Add spices. When it turns translucent, add the tomatoes, the spinach, and the beans. Add the water and bouillon and bring to a boil.

2. Add the orzo and cook until tender.

3. Meanwhile, put bread in oven until it is stale. Drizzle with olive oil if you like.

4. Put a piece of bread in the bowl and pour soup over the top. Serve with Parmesan cheese (and, if you're me, Sri Racha sauce).

Notes

*I've been really into "one pot" meals this winter. Especially with my workout schedule, it's nice to be able to make something and then have leftovers to eat all weekend, preventing me from chewing off my arms or whatever in the time between practice and dinner. But here is the problem: when you put pasta in liquid, it absorbs the liquid.

*This is kind of obvious, because that's how pasta cooks. But as I've noted before, this doesn't stop when the cooking is done.

*So I made the soup on Monday, and then Tuesday after Karate I found that it was no longer soup but vegetable and bean stew with orzo.

*Still delicious though. Needed more spice.

*3/7 on the disaster index. Makes about 9 servings. I recommend it with focaccia, but any type of bread is probably good.

Polenta with Grilled Veggies and Canollini Bean Humus

Polenta recipe from Mario Batali, found here.

Ingredients

Polenta
4 c. water
2 T. salt
1 c. yellow corn meal

Grilled Veggies

3 zucchini, sliced
1 smallish eggplant, sliced
1.5 green peppers, sliced

Canollini Bean Humus

1 tin canollini beans, drained
2 T. olive oil
3-4 cloves garlic, chopped
salt, pepper, paprika


Methodology

1. Put water in a pot with salt. Bring to a boil. Stir in the corn meal. Keep stirring, lowering heat until corn meal is thick. Ladle into greased muffin tins, a little more than 1/4 c. polenta/tin. It makes 12 very full or probably more if you're not lazy. See note.

2. Put polenta tins in fridge. Wait. When cool, remove from fridge.

3. Slice veggies and put on grill. Brush lightly with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Put polenta cakes on grill also.

4. Put beans, oil, and garlic in food processor and hit go. Add spices.

5. Serve ensemble.

Notes

*On Polenta: This cooking methodology is problematic on two accounts. One is that I think 2 tablespoons of salt is too much - I would recommend maybe half or a quarter of that. The other is that "put corn meal in pot and mix with a spoon" doesn't really convey a) how lumpy the stupid corn meal is and b) how it's kind of scary when it boils and spits hot grits at you.

Cooking this might be much easier to deal with if you are not sick and your brain makes sense of complex inputs like the boiling of a pot and is capable of looking at a recipe and saying, "Two tablespoons seems like too much!", so feel free to disregard this advice. Warning. Thing.

*One polenta cake = ~40 calories, assuming you made them all the same and not, you know, some really huge and some quite small. I don't know. Maybe you don't understand the idea of dividing things equally. I'm not judging.

*This was really good, but it would have been better if the polenta hadn't been so salty. Seriously, don't make this recipe like this.

*5/7 on the disaster index.

Pumpkin Bread

From a recipe on the Culinary Institute of America website.

I don't bake much in the way of bread, even quick breads like this. For some reason in my family bread is a guy thing. There's no particular reason for me to think this, as far as I can tell.

Anyway, I needed to use up some eggs, so I went looking for something that might require them.

Ingredients

2.5 c whole-wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tsp double-acting baking powder
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1/2 tsp curry powder
1/2 cup dried cranberries, plumped (to plump cover with boiling water and rest for at least 15 minutes and drain)
1/2 c. chocolate chips
1 cup tinned pumpkin
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs or egg replacer stuff, whatever.
1/4 cup margarine, melted
1/4 c. buttermilk
probably some water

Methodology

1. Preheat oven to 375° F. Pour water over cranberries and set aside. Grease one 8.5 x 4.5" bread pan and one 12 cup muffin tin pan, or two bread pans or whatever you have.

2. Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and spices.

3. In another bowl, mix cranberries, chocolate chips, pumpkin, sugar, eggs, and margarine. Mix well.

4. Add wet to dry (or dry to wet, it doesn't matter) all at once and mix together. Add buttermilk and water at this point to make it fairly batter-like. Don't overmix.

5. Put about half the batter in the muffin tins and half in the bread pan, or divide it between the two bread pans, (or eat it, I don't know. Careful about the eggs though). It will make about 2 loaves of bread or one loaf and 12 muffins.

6. Bake for 15 minutes (muffins)/50 minutes (loaf). Turn out of tins onto a clean towel and let cool. Think of someone you can pawn muffins off on, because that's a lot of muffins.

Notes

*I followed the recipe pretty precisely this time, because I was curious as to what the CIA had come up with. Conclusions: it's not quite as good, texture-wise, as the banana bread recipe my father typically makes. Next time I will try futzing with that one. It is good, though. It needed more curry powder and maybe less cranberries. I don't know. Depends on how you like cranberries. It has a nice colour, though.

*A deeper/narrower loaf pan might be nice, too.

*3/7 on the disaster scale. I brought Dan and Claire a bunch of muffins, and Daniel ate half of them right away, so they were delicious. Just not quite what I was trying for.

*I keep having these "let's make X to use up Y" things, and I inevitably wind up with something else to use up. It's kind of weird. Now I have half a tin of pumpkin to use up.

*About 130 calories/slice if you assume 20 slices (=10/loaf). If you make half of it into muffins, I can't really tell you, and I'm tired of thinking about this.

Punk Rock Muffins

These are based on a recipe from Dan and Claire. "Based" is maybe the wrong word though.

Ingredients

1 c. whole wheat flour
1 c. white flour
1 T. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2 eggs (okay, I used that stuff you buy in a carton which is only egg whites, so it wound up being slightly less than 2 eggs' worth. Make of that what you will.)
1 c. fat free yoghurt
2/3 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. melted margarine
1 T. buttermilk
1 tsp vanilla
1 c. frozen raspberries, chopped
1/4 c. chocolate chips

Methodology

0. Preheat the oven to 400* F.

1. Mix dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, salt) in a bowl.

2. Mix the eggs, yoghurt, buttermilk, sugar, butter, and vanilla in another bowl.

3. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients. Do not over-mix. Stir in berries and chips.

4. Put in muffin tins, put tins in oven. Bake approximately 17 minutes, or until a toothpick/knife/whatever is clean. Makes about 18 muffins.

Notes

*I have this really bad short attention span and I think following recipes is kind of boring. Someday this is going to get me into trouble. Today was not that day.

*I call these punk rock muffins because 1) you could pretty much put whatever you want in them and 2) with the chopped up raspberries, they look a little like they're bleeding.

*I theorize these have about 150 calories/muffin, but I could be wrong. I put in the wrong number for how many calories in chocolate chips when I did the math. So approximate. But it's okay.

*They are quite delicious. 2/7 on the disaster scale, only because I was a bit worried about the eggs.

The Top 15 Best Breakup Songs Ever

According to me, in a vaguely chronological order.

1. "You Oughta Know", Alanis Morissette. We were about thirteen when this album came out, so none of us had actually gone through it, but it was fun to sing. At the time I also had long curly hair like she did. I must have listened to Jagged Little Pill a million times.
   
2. "There Goes My Ex-Girlfriend", Aerosmith. I listened to this a bunch when I broke up with my first high school boyfriend, who had played it for me as a song he used to get over his previous girlfriend. I was really into irony in high school. (I don't know why I make it sound like this is something old about me. I'm still into irony.)
   
3. "Gone Daddy Gone", the Violent Femmes. Suggested by Claire. Amusingly, the Aerosmith boyfriend also got me into the Violent Femmes. This was the only good thing he did.
   
4. "It Ain't Me, Babe", Bob Dylan. The next boyfriend was really into Dylan and the Beatles and stuff. I don't remember if I found it especially poignant when we broke up, but I thought I'd put it on there. My Dylan phase lasted from high school until, oh, now. I saw him in concert in 2001, too.
   
5. "Kissing a Fool", George Michael/Michael Bublé. A couple years ago there was an homage to old Rock Hudson/Doris Day films starring Ewan McGregor and David Hyde Pierce as the kind of sexually ambiguous male leads and Renée Zellweger as Doris Day. It was called "Down with Love" - perhaps you remember it? I recall that it had fabulous costumes, was charmingly funny, and that the heroine let me down by totally caving in the last 10 minutes. Seriously, it would have been a much better film if she'd walked. But the inability to walk out on Ewan McGregor is a constant in many womens' lives, so I suppose it doesn't do to judge. Anyway, this song was in it. Apparently George Michael wrote it, but the Bublé version is the one I fell for.
   
6. "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover", Paul Simon. Suggested by Chandra. This song has perennially fascinated me, as some of these don't seem to be ways at all ("Make a new plan, Stan?") and there are definitely less than fifty listed. I just thought I'd throw that out there. Also it's entirely targeted towards men, which in retrospect is obnoxious. Perhaps this was a poor selection.
   
7. "I Will Survive", Diana Ross/CAKE. Do I need to explain why this song is here? I thought not. Though I should note that I prefer the CAKE version.
   
8. "Why Bother?", Weezer. I used to listen to this song over and over while running when I broke up with my last boyfriend. Rivers Cuomo will save your mortal soul.
   
9. "Early in the Morning", Buddy Holly. I went through a Buddy Holly kick in 2006, right before I left the country for a while. Nothing else to say about this, moving on.
   
10. "Go Your Own Way", Fleetwood Mac. A kind of theme of my time in 'Nam.
    
11. "Gone Gone Gone (Done Moved On)", Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. One of the radio stations I listen to played this perpetually for about a month, and it was in my head all the time after my commutes.
    
12. "Breakin' Up", Rilo Kiley. Daniel gave me this song. On a drive from St. Paul, he pointed out that it has the lyrics, "Are we breaking up/Is there trouble between you and I?/Did my heart break enough/did it break enough this time?", which might help explain why it is an awesome song.
    
13. "Thanks for the Memories", Fallout Boy. Emo. But it has a catchy tune and an amusing music video with monkeys, so why not? I'm no music snob.
    
14. "Kiss You Off", Scissor Sisters. I love the Scissor Sisters. This narrowly beat out "I Can't Decide", which is one of my favorite songs ever but slightly less relevant to the topic. Contains the lyrics, "Kiss you off of my lips/I don't need another tube of that dimestore lipstick/cuz I guess I'm gonna buy me a brand new shade of man".
    
15. "Before He Cheats", Carrie Underwood. Okay, I get it, violence is bad, and the fact that violence towards men is accepted and towards women is not is a big fat double standard. This is still one of the most entertaining songs in the top 40 of late.
    

And, all right, five non-traditional love songs that have amused me lately:

1. "I Will Follow You into the Dark", Death Cab for Cutie. What other song begins with "Love of mine, someday you will die"? It's like an opera.
   
2. "Stuttering", Ben's Brother. I don't know, I feel like this sometimes when it comes to love, i.e., kind of slow and incapable.
   
3. "You and Me", Little Brazil. Suggested by Daniel. Begins, "You and me/fit together so awkwardly", which reminds me of most of my previous relationships.
   
4. "Rebel, Rebel", David Bowie. I saw him do this live. Favorite lyric: "You like me and I like it all". Exactly what I'm looking for in a mate: nondiscriminatory. Actually I was going to put "Cracked Actor" ("Forget that I'm fifty 'cause you just got paid") on here, but I'm in a good mood today.
   
5. "Get it On", T. Rex. I am fascinated by T. Rex because they have albums with titles like "My People Were Fair and Had Sky in their Hair...But Now they're Content to Wear Stars on their Brows" and "Zinc Alloy and the Hidden Riders of Tomorrow", which is basically as emo as saying "I'ma cut my wrists and listen to Dashboard Confessionals", but they're still considered a glam/punk band (punk bands in the 60s and 70s tended to have albums titled things like "SPEW" and "A RIGHT COCKUP". Okay, I am making those up, but it could be possible). Even the combo of glam and punk seems odd. And yet. But what is with these lyrics? Even if you say okay to "You've got the teeth of the Hydra upon you", you're still in pretty deep waters with, "You're built like a car/You've got a/hubcap diamond star halo/You're built like a car/ oh yeah". What does that even mean?

Well that was fun and somewhat embarrassing. Great! Feel free to comment with songs I missed.

Honorable mention goes to: "Already Gone" by the Eagles. It's a damn catchy song, which is too bad, because "I really hate the fucking Eagles, man", is the only thing I can think when I think about them. Also "No Love Today" by Chris Smither.

Singapore Noodles

Singapore Noodles is a dish I first encountered at a Chinese restaurant in Ho Chi Minh City. It was one of a few vegetarian dishes there (Asia in general is pretty big on meats), and it was delicious.
Yesterday, having some bok choy left over from my foray into stir fry, I decided to recreate it. Recipe from Epicurious.

Ingredients

1/2 c. veg broth (1/2 c. hot water and bouillon)
3 (heaping) T. veg stir fry sauce
2 T. ketchap mantis (a type of sweet Indonesian soy sauce. It cost about $3 for a huge bottle of it at the local Asian grocery and it's delicious, sweet and salty. I highly recommend picking some up.)
2 T. soy sauce *(I use really dark stuff.)
1 T. chili sauce (like SriRacha or similar) to taste
4-5 baby carrots, cut in matchsticks
1 head bok choy, chopped
4-5 mushrooms, sliced
a couple T. garlic oil
a couple cloves of garlic, minced
1/3 lb thin rice noodles
1/2 block extra firm tofu (Chinese tofu)
chili powder
some spinach (optional. I just had this lying around and I figured why not)


Methodology

1. Mix broth, stir fry sauce, ketchap mantis, soy sauce, and chili sauce in a bowl. Set aside. Chop veg and tofu; put the tofu in a container and toss it with, oh, a little soy sauce and some salt and pepper.

2. Put a little oil in the wok and stir fry the tofu. Dust it with salt, pepper, and chili powder. Remove from wok and set aside.

3. Put a little more oil in the wok and add the garlic, then put in the carrots and mushrooms. After a few minutes, add the bok choy and spinach. Let that cook a few minutes, then add the broth mixture. Bring it to a boil and add the noodles.

4. Depending on the size of your wok and stuff, you may have to add about a cup more water in order to cook the noodles. Putting a lid on the pan helps too. When they are cooked, add the tofu back in and mush everything around until it is hot again. (I do not mean literally mush the tofu; obviously you do not want crumbs of tofu, or perhaps you do in which case disregard this advice.)

5. Eat! Yay.

Notes
*So, was it Singapore Noodles like you had in 'Nam?

No.

*Was it good?

Yes. Would eat again. (Which I will have to, since it made about 400 pounds of leftovers).

*Time?

About 25-30 minutes, with me working at top speed, so it fit kind of uncomfortably into the short period post-karate and pre-gnawing own arm off. It was tough, though. Thirty minute meals be damned, I want my dinner in 7 or fewer.

*Improvements?

Cook the noodles separately, since they're not fresh, thus reducing the total liquid in the dish. Use baby bok choy (also called choy sum) as it is more tender and needs less chopping. Put in some onions (did not have any). A couple of the recipes Google is bringing me use curry powder, which doesn't mesh with what I recall, but sounds interesting anyway.

*Disaster scale?

3/7. Delicious but problematic, especially with the cooking of the noodles.

Veg Stir Fry with Peanut Sauce

I am so excited to have cooked this, it is fantastic. I cannot even tell you.

Ingredients

Rice

1 c. brown rice
2 c. water

Veggies
(all amounts approximate)

1/2 white onion, chopped
a handful of baby carrots
3 leaves of bok choy, chopped
3 mushrooms, sliced
1 sweet potato, chopped
1/2 head of broccoli, broken up into florets
1/2 block of tofu, cubed

one recipe of peanut sauce

Methodology

There are two fantastic things about this dish. One is the timing.

1. Put water and rice in a pot over high heat. You can throw in some spices if you want - cumin, turmeric, coriander. Cover. Chop up the veg.

2. Put some oil and garlic in a pan and start the vegetables cooking in a wok or deepish frying pan (make sure it has a lid). I recommend throwing in the carrots, onions, and tofu and letting it brown a bit, then adding everything else. Put in about a cup of water and put the lid on to let it steam.

3. Make the peanut sauce at this point. Keep an eye on the rice, it is probably nearing completion.

4. The veg should be done around the time you finish the sauce Pour the sauce over the veg. Serve over rice.

Notes

*This recipe is so awesome. I was SO hungry after jiu jitsu, too. Wow.

*1/7. \o/ I win at life.

Peanut Sauce

This is almost too easy.

Ingredients

2 T. peanut butter (I used chunky reduced fat Skippy, because that is what I have around. I buy it for nostalgia I guess. You could use real, grown up peanut butter and it would be fine. You do not need to use nostalgia peanut butter.)
about 1.5 T vegetarian stir fry sauce (non-oyster oyster sauce)
about 1.5 T soy sauce (I use Pearl River dark soy sauce, it coats the bottle and almost eats through it.)
3/4 to 1 c. hot water
1 heaping tsp. brown sugar
hot sauce, to taste

Methodology

1. Put peanut butter, stir fry sauce, and soy sauce in a bowl. Add about half the water and mix until it dissolves. Add the rest of the water. Add the sugar and hot sauce. Adjust soy and stir fry sauce to taste. Put over veggies.

Notes

*1/7 on the disaster scale. I am fantastic.

Cranberry Chocolate Chip Scones

What a weird day. So I made scones.

Ironically, though this started out as a project to use up some eggs, I wound up using this recipe as a base, and it has no eggs in it. It's really easy, though, and doesn't take long to make.

Ingredients

2 c. white/all purpose flour
1 3/4 c. whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp. salt
3 T. baking powder
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 c. brown sugar, packed
8 T (one stick) butter, cold
1 1/4 c. buttermilk
about 1/2 c. skim milk, give or take
1/2 c. dried cranberries
1/2 c. dark chocolate chips

Methodology

1. Preheat the oven to 375*. Mix the dry ingredients and sugar. Cut the butter into little pieces and mix that in, then cut it in with a butter knife approximately until your arm is tired. Add the buttermilk and mix, then add the chips and cranberries and mis those in. Do not overmix.

2. You should have a messy, kind of lumpy-looking dough with a fair amount of loose flour. Add a little of the skim milk if it's really dry. Turn it out onto a clean, floured surface, like a counter or baking pan. Knead it a couple of times and it will start to come together; you may need to add more milk. Knead it approximately until you think you've overkneaded it.

3. Pat the dough into a circle about seven inches in diameter and cut it in half. Cut each half into six triangles. Place on an oiled baking sheet, making sure they do not touch. Brush the tops with buttermilk and sprinkle with brown sugar. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until a tester comes out clean. Serve hot with vanilla frozen yoghurt or whipped cream, or eat for breakfast with butter and jam..

Notes

*The dough will look weird lumpy and you'll think you've screwed it up; you haven't.

*These could perhaps use a bit less baking powder, though.

*There are nearly endless variations that can be done on this, with various types of textures and mix-ins.

*Using buttermillk instead of milk produces a lighter scone.

*1/7 on the disaster scale. Yay.

Fake Calzones

An attempt to use up some leftovers. Kind of weirdly fusion-y.

Ingredients

about 1/4 recipe of chapati bread
1/2 zucchini, chopped
1/4 onion, chopped
a handful of spinach
2 mushrooms, sliced (I used "Baby Bella", which I think are crimini)
a few cloves of garlic, diced
paprika, chili powder, salt, pepper, oregano, basil
2 T. tomato sauce
cheese (I used Pepper Jack and Mozzarella)

Methodology

1. Heat some oil in a pan and add the garlic. Saute the veg and spices until cooked. Remove from pan.

2. Roll out the bread into a biggish circle. Put tomato sauce in the center, add some spinach and some of the veg. Put cheese on top. Fold it over and seal the edges.

3. Cook the calzone in a pan until brown on all sides, being careful not to rip it.

Notes

*The edges were still a little more mushy than you might like, but the dough doesn't have any eggs in it so it's not a huge deal.

*Pretty delicious, all in all. About a 3/7 on the disaster index.

Apple Brown Betty

Oh man; if you do a google you'll find that everyone and her brother has a recipe for Apple Brown Betty, and all of them are different. This was my attempt to 1) use some stale cake and 2) split the difference on a bunch of conflicting recipes.

Ingredients

Approximately 1/2 of a cinnamon sponge cake, slightly stale, cut into 1/4" cubes
1.5 tsp nutmeg
1/2 c. brown sugar
rind of 1 lemon
2.5 lbs apples (suggest Granny Smith and McIntosh)
8 T. apple juice or cider
1.25 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp allspice, salt
about 2 T. butter

Methodology

1. Preheat oven to 375*. Peel, core, and slice apples. Combine sugar and nutmeg and set aside about 2 T.

2. Mix spices and cake. Put a layer of cake at the bottom of a casserole pan, then a layer of apples, then pour about 4 T. of apple juice over. Put another layer of cake and sugar, another layer of apples, more juice. End with cake and sugar, then sprinkle the reserved 2 T of sugar on top.

3. If you are paying attention, dot the top with butter. Otherwise just put the lid on the casserole (or cover with foil) and put in the oven for about 45 minutes.

4. After 45 minutes, take lid off (dot top with butter now if you forgot earlier) and let it bake until brown, about another 15 minutes depending on how long you spend gaping at it with the oven open.

5. Serve with vanilla frozen yoghurt or whipped cream.

Notes

*Though the top layer was a bit dry, the other layers were extremely delicious. Next time I will cut some margarine in with a pastry cutter to help this problem. Perhaps even make a more apple crisp-like topping.

*About a 3 of 7 on the disaster index.

*Well received, though.